I woke up this morning thinking about setting boundaries with people and then had a conversation about it later in the day. We are blessed to be having a positive experience with deployment. I've had lots of quiet time to sit and think. Of course we miss Ryan and will be thrilled to see him in January, but the space has had some great benefits, too. I've been able to more closely focus inward on our home, which is truly a place of peace and joy most of the time. I've found a religion that resonates with my own values, and it is becoming another source of strength to me.
I am thankful to have great relationships with my husband and children. Those relationships are the most important of all. There have been periods of stress, which have been largely due to less functional relationships with extended family members (okay, raise your hand if you relate to that statement!). In talking with other mothers, most of us have in common that tension arises often when we have extended family members around who do not share some of our most cherished values.
The problem with me, and I recognize that this was my problem, was that I was not setting clear boundaries. I was hoping that someone would read my mind, or perhaps my husband would communicate for me. But the fact of the matter is, I, as the homemaking mother, am the center of my home and I set the tone for the household. Left alone with my thoughts after the children are in bed at night, I have been able to rise up and set limits, rather than just talk to Ryan about it.
When people talk about setting limits, they are usually referring to their children. At least in my life, it is the other adults that I need to set limits with! Of course I set limits with my children, that comes naturally. But it is less natural to set limits with adults. Not having clear boundaries leads to resentful, unpleasant relationships, and more importantly, it puts stress on my home.
So, I have resolved to be clear and firm about boundaries with other people. There are certain behaviors that are not allowed in my house and since that is my rule, I think it's my job to command respect of the rule when necessary. I am protective of our space, especially during important times for my family. It is my job to communicate that, too. Like children, adults don't always like limits, but most of us need those limits to have peace within our nuclear families.
Especially at this time of year, I encourage the mothers of the families out there to set the limits that you need to set. Maybe you're lucky and don't have any major lifestyle or personal values clashes with adults in your life. But if you do, take the time to calmly, clearly, firmly set those boundaries so that stress from outside does not trickle into your family.
I am thankful to have great relationships with my husband and children. Those relationships are the most important of all. There have been periods of stress, which have been largely due to less functional relationships with extended family members (okay, raise your hand if you relate to that statement!). In talking with other mothers, most of us have in common that tension arises often when we have extended family members around who do not share some of our most cherished values.
The problem with me, and I recognize that this was my problem, was that I was not setting clear boundaries. I was hoping that someone would read my mind, or perhaps my husband would communicate for me. But the fact of the matter is, I, as the homemaking mother, am the center of my home and I set the tone for the household. Left alone with my thoughts after the children are in bed at night, I have been able to rise up and set limits, rather than just talk to Ryan about it.
When people talk about setting limits, they are usually referring to their children. At least in my life, it is the other adults that I need to set limits with! Of course I set limits with my children, that comes naturally. But it is less natural to set limits with adults. Not having clear boundaries leads to resentful, unpleasant relationships, and more importantly, it puts stress on my home.
So, I have resolved to be clear and firm about boundaries with other people. There are certain behaviors that are not allowed in my house and since that is my rule, I think it's my job to command respect of the rule when necessary. I am protective of our space, especially during important times for my family. It is my job to communicate that, too. Like children, adults don't always like limits, but most of us need those limits to have peace within our nuclear families.
Especially at this time of year, I encourage the mothers of the families out there to set the limits that you need to set. Maybe you're lucky and don't have any major lifestyle or personal values clashes with adults in your life. But if you do, take the time to calmly, clearly, firmly set those boundaries so that stress from outside does not trickle into your family.
1 comments:
So very true! I have an easier time setting limits with my own extended family than I do with my in-laws, and I want to work towards being assertive about setting limits with EVERYONE I meet. Being a doormat isn't healthy, and it's a terrible example for my kids.
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