Adventures of a Growing Family

He's home!!!

2012-01-10T20:02:00.001-06:00

We picked him up this morning at the airport and had a great day together! Then I put him to bed with the kids at 7 pm. He was so tired and I know he'll feel better tomorrow for having the rest. He has to work tomorrow and then we get FOUR days together!

waiting...

being 2...

waiting...

Do we see him?!

He sees us!

first kiss

reunited!

She was soooo happy!

She wouldn't get down so Gabe could have a turn.

Notice that she still won't let him go!

Holding on

Still holding on tight to that Daddy, all the way to the car. When she woke up from her nap later, she said, "I want Daddy!"

Preparing for homecoming!

2012-01-07T20:18:00.000-06:00

Ryan will be home very soon! Eight years ago when we were college freshman, I couldn't fathom the idea of a deployment. I couldn't be away from my love for 6 months! Of course we hadn't committed to spending our lives together just yet, but we were thinking about it. I tried to talk him out of doing ROTC.

He says he always knew I'd be just fine, but I certainly didn't know. Over the years, I accepted deployment as a fact of life for us. He is obligated to the Navy for 6 more years and will probably stay in 16 so we get to retirement. That means more deployments, which I'm now totally okay with.

Every day of this deployment, I have been thankful that I was well established in motherhood before I had to solo parent for 5 months. I remember how I felt when my kids were babies and I was much more dependent on Ryan's help. I'm so thankful we had over 4 years of uninterrupted parenthood together. Oh, and hiring a cleaning service really helped, too. Worth every penny!

The kids and I have been excitedly preparing for homecoming! We have made signs for them to wear at the airport and Gabriel decorated the walls of Ryan's office with signs and pictures he made. I made Gabriel a countdown calendar - he removes one card each day.

We grocery shopped and meal planned earlier this week. Ryan requested vegetables and his favorite soup (I guess he hasn't had a lot of veggies?). We made peanut butter-veggie-quinoa soup today and it will be re-heated in the crock-pot for lunch after we pick up Ryan. Then I'll roast a turkey and make some veggies for dinner. The idea is good food but not a lot of cooking.

Our Christmas tree is still up and we have accumulated a stack of gifts for Ryan. Some are things we bought that we thought he'd like, some are homemade, and one is something that needs to be done around the house.

Ryan did request no baked goods, but I cannot help inviting the Dough Elf to come the night before homecoming. The kids and I make the dough, leave it to rise, I put them to bed, and then The Dough Elf (ahem, Mommy) transforms the dough into delicious cinnamon rolls that they find in the morning. So that is mostly for the littles, but we'll bring one for Ryan to eat in the car on the way home if he wants to.

We are taking a 6 week post-deployment "family-moon" without any house guests. He can't take leave right away so we have a short trip planned for Great Wolf Lodge in February - so much fun for everyone and Gabe especially enjoys it. Mostly, I think we will just hang out at home. Even home is different than when he left with the addition of the play-set and upgrade to the bedroom.

SOON he will be home!

In 2011

2011-12-31T15:13:00.001-06:00

A lot of exciting things happened in 2011!

Susanna...
...turned 2.
...started speaking in full sentences.
...potty trained.
...started pedaling a tricycle.
....got really fast on her balance bike.
...started counting to 10, sometimes in order, but either way, it's cute.
...started going to sleep at night with her brother and without Mommy.
...started playing with her brother so much that I stopped wondering if it was a good idea to have children so close in age!

Gabriel...
...turned 4.
...weaned.
...started riding a bike.
...learned to swim.
...started reading and writing.
...learned to count indefinitely and do some basic math.
...learned to tell time on a digital clock and read a calendar.
...started taking a class at homeschool co-op and loves it.
...went from being interested in basic picture books to stories without pictures that take me a half hour to read (and I find them interesting, too!).

Michelle...
...turned 27.
...passed the exam to be an ICEA Certified Childbirth Educator.
...passed the exam to be an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.
...started teaching Birth to Baby classes and then realized that teaching birth classes is a task for later.
...got a good Waldorf inspired daily and yearly rhythm going for the kids.
...discovered that there IS such a thing as a fun, relaxing, nearby vacation spot for families with small children - Great Wolf Lodge.
...decided to become Catholic.
...finally lost the baby weight from Susanna.
...hired a cleaning service to clean the house every 2 weeks.
...purchased and assembled 4 bed frames and an indoor playset while Ryan was deployed.
...had 4 wisdom teeth removed and had 1 root canal while Ryan was deployed.
...read a lot of books.

Ryan...
...turned 27.
...went on his first long deployment.
...got promoted.
...agreed to become Catholic.
...worked a lot.
(Sorry for the lack of details here but I don't really know what he does most of the time!)

In 2012, I hope to grow another beautiful baby and perhaps purchase a new dining room table. And of course, we are super excited for homecoming! (Needed for both the baby and the dining room table - I am done putting together furniture alone with 2 little ones!)

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T19:35:00.002-06:00

On the way to bed tonight, Gabriel asked me, "Are we going to find another surprise under the tree tomorrow?" After nearly a month of finding at least a candy cane on the tree each morning, he looks forward to it.

I started to explain that Advent and Christmas were over, but then I thought of something to put under the tree. In just a couple weeks we will be celebrating Ryan's homecoming from his first 5 month deployment! One celebration leads to another for us. I am out of candy canes, so I can't leave those. Tomorrow, Gabriel will find materials to make a Daddy's Coming Home Countdown Calendar.

Even though Ryan is not with us this year, we had a great Advent and Christmas. I've come up with my own traditions - kind of a mixture of Catholic and Waldorf.

The kids really enjoyed our Advent calendar. Each morning they found one piece of the nativity scene. The pieces are magnetic. Gabriel looked at the box and he wanted to make sure each piece went exactly where it was on the box.

We enjoyed The Advent Storybook each night. We always read multiple stories because they are short. Will do it again next year!

I loved The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. We read it front to back a few times.

We celebrated St. Nicholas Day on December 6. This story is a keeper: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/waldorf-1/. They left their shoes under the tree and each got a small toy.

We made St. Lucia Day buns on December 14 - or whenever it was.

A Light in the Wilderness went into my stories notebook to keep: http://www.sparklestories.com/12/a-light-in-the-wilderness-a-santa-lucia-story/

We also enjoyed Lucia and the Light, which perhaps goes more with the winter solstice.

On Noah's Ark is a nice Noah's ark book. We got it - and all the others - from the library. While it doesn't exactly fit in with the season, it does go with my Christmas morning scavenger hunt!

The Candleberry Elf is another keeper, which goes with the winter solstice: http://www.sparklestories.com/12/a-story-for-the-winter-solstice/

We read The Candleberry Elf the same day that our Christmas tree lights went kaput so I mentioned that we needed our own Candleberry Elf. (We got more lights, twice, because Gabriel broke them the first time.) That sort of led to The Dough Elf on Christmas Eve.

I was planning to make cinnamon rolls as a Christmas morning surprise - last year we made them together on Christmas Day but they are time consuming. I didn't want to have to wait for the dough to rise after the kids went to bed, so I made the dough with them before bed time. Then we put it in the oven (NOT on!) to rise. I finished them after the kids were asleep.

While the cinnamon rolls were rising again and then baking, I hid 30 pairs of animals with clues for the Noah's Ark scavenger hunt.

I hid two cinnamon rolls with some of the animals.

They were not interested in eating the cinnamon rolls until they finished finding the animals! I say they, but it was really Gabriel who was into the scavenger hunt. Susanna was off watching Grammy look through her present, the annual family album. Anyway, they got into the cinnamon rolls after all the animals were found. Susanna didn't even like them! Gabriel, Grammy, and I thought they were delicious. She ate chocolate pancakes.

Gabriel asked me if I made the cinnamon rolls, and somehow- I don't recall exactly how - the story came out that they were made by the Dough Elf.

We went to Mass after the morning festivities. Susanna was, ummm, very wiggly.

Oh, the wreath! How could I forget the wreath! From the first Sunday of Advent through Christmas Day, we had dinner by candle light each evening. The kids' favorite part was blowing out the candles.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

6th wedding anniversary

2011-12-18T19:56:00.000-06:00

We met when we were college freshman. We lived in the same dorm.

We got engaged when we were sophomores and moved into our own apartment off campus.

And married when we were juniors, during Christmas break.

Then we had a baby the month after I graduated and one semester before he graduated.

Then we had another one two years later.

Now we are reaching the end of Ryan's first deployment. We will begin preparing for his homecoming very soon! Then we will have more babies.

Reading!

2011-12-11T19:01:00.001-06:00

Like the other big exciting milestones - potty training, walking, talking, riding a bike, swimming, weaning - I have to write about this one! Reading! Gabe is reading! Perhaps I won't feel compelled to write about all of my children's Firsts, but until then, I will write on.

Now, before I start, I have to write a disclaimer. I started reading when I was 10 years old. If you've been reading my blog since Gabe was a baby, you know that I believe that reading is a developmental milestone like talking. Children (without special needs) who are raised by parents who read to them will learn to read. Children who are spoken to will speak. Children whose parents swim with them will swim.

So how did I discover that Gabe can read? He read a book to me. A whole book. It was just The Foot Book, but it was still a whole book, front to back. I read it to him one time and then asked him to read it to me because I didn't feel like reading it again. And he did. He sounded out the words he did not know. I'm amazed at how well he can sound out words and how well he remembers words that aren't phonetic. Kids are so cool.

They just started doing it is generally how things happen around here. For 4 years and 6 months, Gabe listened to me read. I made posters with letters to put on the wall for him when he was learning the names and sounds of the letters last winter. I often recited the alphabet and the sounds of all the letters. I sounded out words sometimes when I read to him. I let him play on starfall.com when I put Susanna down for a nap. (He has since lost interest in that.) He has a letter of the week in his homeschool co-op class. For the past 14 weeks, he has come out of that class every Tuesday informing me what the letter of the week was. On our way to class each week, he tells me what letter he will be on that day. He is still confused about why he skipped the letter B. It is because he was sick that day, but he can't seem to remember that even though I've told him.

In the world of People Who Think They Know How Kids Should Learn to Read, there is much controversy. My philosophy is read to them, tell them the names of the letters, let them see you write the letters (he can write, too), tell them what sounds the letters make, and spell words for them. On the see-saw today, Gabe said, "Mommy, let's spell things." He associates being on the see-saw with spelling because I was bored one day while see-sawing (for the 100th time) and said, "Hey Gabe, I have a new game. Do you know how to spell RED?" And then we spelled all the colors. Today we spelled parts of the house and yard. I think it's funny when he starts TREE with "ch" because he really thinks that is how you say tree, chree.

I've never planned a reading lesson. They just sort of happen throughout the day, usually when I'm bored. I remember being about 11 years old and playing a game I called Subject Predicate with whichever of my friends would play. We played on my trampoline. One person came up with the subject of a sentence and the other came up with the predicate. Then we put the subject and predicate together to create an always hilariously funny sentence. Certain movements were required as part of the game but I don't remember the details now. I recall trying to get Ryan to play that game when we started dating, and it has crossed my mind to teach it to Gabe.

I told Ryan before he left that Gabe would be reading when he got back. Today I sent Ryan a video of his little boy reading. He was a proud Daddy.

A blessing

2011-12-02T20:49:00.000-06:00

I just read the most wonderfully encouraging article: The Tunnel of Parenthood.

From the time Ryan and I got engaged, my desire was to be a mother of many children. I remember telling people that when I was pregnant with Gabe. I often heard, "Wait until you have one first!" I replied, "No, I'm sure I want many." I don't know what made me choose that, when I was 21 years old and finishing up an engineering degree. A passionate student of Natural Family Planning, I was able to get pregnant 8 months before graduation, which was 9 months after we got married. Waiting those 9 months was hard, but I knew that I should graduate before giving birth.

I remember my mom saying, "What if you have a premature baby?!" I just trusted that I wouldn't, or that it would all work out if I did. As soon as I felt like Gabe was old enough to handle a decreased milk supply, I got pregnant with Susanna. When I was getting stitches after giving birth to Susanna, I remember saying that I think perhaps a 3 year spacing would be good for next time. We are right about where I want to be to get pregnant again, but alas, I must wait until Ryan returns next month. Waiting is so hard!

The upside is that I just finished getting my wisdom teeth out, so I hope to not be dealing with dental problems when (IF! I don't take fertility for granted) I do get pregnant again.

My children expect that they will have many siblings. They talk about it. Like, "Mommy, we can put this high chair away now and save it for the next baby. All our babies can use it."

I think children are a blessing and a wonderful gift, and through them and with them, I am the person I want to be.

Boundaries

2011-11-29T13:04:00.002-06:00

I woke up this morning thinking about setting boundaries with people and then had a conversation about it later in the day. We are blessed to be having a positive experience with deployment. I've had lots of quiet time to sit and think. Of course we miss Ryan and will be thrilled to see him in January, but the space has had some great benefits, too. I've been able to more closely focus inward on our home, which is truly a place of peace and joy most of the time. I've found a religion that resonates with my own values, and it is becoming another source of strength to me.

I am thankful to have great relationships with my husband and children. Those relationships are the most important of all. There have been periods of stress, which have been largely due to less functional relationships with extended family members (okay, raise your hand if you relate to that statement!). In talking with other mothers, most of us have in common that tension arises often when we have extended family members around who do not share some of our most cherished values.

The problem with me, and I recognize that this was my problem, was that I was not setting clear boundaries. I was hoping that someone would read my mind, or perhaps my husband would communicate for me. But the fact of the matter is, I, as the homemaking mother, am the center of my home and I set the tone for the household. Left alone with my thoughts after the children are in bed at night, I have been able to rise up and set limits, rather than just talk to Ryan about it.

When people talk about setting limits, they are usually referring to their children. At least in my life, it is the other adults that I need to set limits with! Of course I set limits with my children, that comes naturally. But it is less natural to set limits with adults. Not having clear boundaries leads to resentful, unpleasant relationships, and more importantly, it puts stress on my home.

So, I have resolved to be clear and firm about boundaries with other people. There are certain behaviors that are not allowed in my house and since that is my rule, I think it's my job to command respect of the rule when necessary. I am protective of our space, especially during important times for my family. It is my job to communicate that, too. Like children, adults don't always like limits, but most of us need those limits to have peace within our nuclear families.

Especially at this time of year, I encourage the mothers of the families out there to set the limits that you need to set. Maybe you're lucky and don't have any major lifestyle or personal values clashes with adults in your life. But if you do, take the time to calmly, clearly, firmly set those boundaries so that stress from outside does not trickle into your family.

Black Friday 2011

2011-11-25T19:03:00.001-06:00

I remember two years ago I first heard the term Black Friday. I saw it online when I happened to be web shopping for a double stroller around this time of year. "What's Black Friday?" I asked Ryan. He didn't know either. Anyway, I got a good deal on the stroller, but our Black Friday tradition is putting up the Christmas decorations. (Then I heard about Cyber Monday last year. What is that?) Our Christmas decorations have evolved over the past 6 years. Our first Christmas tree was a small fake light up tree that was probably $20 from Walmart. That seemed like a lot when we were 21 and in college. We used that a couple years. Then we moved onto a small potted tree. I didn't want to buy a bunch of ornaments to decorate a tree so I didn't want a big tree. It didn't occur to me to make ornaments. I thought of Christmas trees as being elaborately decorated with store bought ornaments. Last year we finally bought a regular sized real tree because we had accumulated enough ornaments as gifts that it wouldn't look naked.

The kids and I bought and decorated our tree today. We have been making ornaments with stuff that is around the house.

sawed a piece of wood in half, drilled 3 holes, painted, tied knots

I even made my first ever wreath from some of the cut branches and a holly bush in my year.

I did not have a tree topper. I thought about buying one, but that just made me cringe all over again. I made one out of cardboard and ribbon and I'm kind of proud of it! I can't seem to take pictures in focus of the tree, but you get the idea.

I'm starting the tradition of doing an Advent wreath and calendar this year, too.

I got this Advent calendar, which I'm still hiding from the kids.

I even found organic candy canes. I'm that crazy mom whose children have never had candy with high fructose corn syrup and red dye #40 (or whatever it is), but in case there are others like me out there, this is a cool store for people like us http://www.naturalcandystore.com/.

We are reading St. Nicholas stories for morning story time right now. I like the ones here http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/waldorf-1/.

We also just read The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, which I really liked.

I have The Advent Story Book, which has one very brief story for each day in December leading up to Christmas.

My public library is awesome and I get nearly 100% of my books there, which is a lot considering how much I read!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T19:40:00.000-06:00

I am blessed to have so many things to be thankful for, and I enjoy my little tradition of taking a moment to write one down each day in November leading up to Thanksgiving.

24
Today, I am thankful for happy, healthy kids and a beautiful Thanksgiving Day! Looking forward to our whole family being reunited in less than 2 short months.

23
Today, I am thankful for breastfeeding and babywearing. I don't know what Susanna and I would do without it! Even through illnesses without another adult to help, I am able to hold her constantly and nurse her back to health quickly. (She's better now.)

22
Today, I am thankful that I wasn't able to take a shower while Susanna was sick. I discovered that I don't need to wash my hair everyday!

21
Today, I am thankful that Susanna's fever is gone and she woke up asking about her baby doll.

20
Today, I am thankful that I am able to mother my children full time. I was planning to be away today but Susanna has a fever so I will be home nursing her instead.

19
Today, I am thankful for midwives.

18
Today I am thankful for La Leche League. I met one of my very best friends when I first started attending meetings nearly 4 years ago and LLL has been such a blessing in my life ever since. From leading meetings to taking help calls to helping moms in my living room, I love it all. Conferences are pretty fantastic, too! It was at an LLL conference that I learned about Waldorf education. Hoping to go to the one here in VA next May!

17
Today I am thankful that the jeans I bought at Costco yesterday fit! Favorite brand, too.

16
Today, I am thankful for all the people in my life.

15
Today, I am thankful for my kids' cuteness. When I commented that Susanna nurses a lot, Gabe replied, "It's because she's a baby and babies nurse a lot." Susanna saw a picture of her doll in a catalog and went on and on about "Mine baby, come out, dat's mine baby."

14
Today I am thankful for that we get to go outside and enjoy the nice weather!

13
Today I am thankful that, even though my kids missed about 2 hours of sleep last night (thank you chocolate ice cream before bed), the meltdowns waited until after church. The tot is down for an early nap.

12
Today I am thankful that I was able to go get a haircut!

11
Today, I am thankful for my husband who not only provides for us, but is an active parent in our family, teaching the children through love and patience - never violence. When we were dating in college, I asked him why he wanted to be in the Navy since our earning potential would be higher in the civilian world. He was in ROTC at the time and he answered that he felt it was his duty to serve his country. I admit that I tried to talk him out of the military, but I couldn't really argue with that!

10
Today, I am thankful that I get to wake up snuggled between 2 joyful children every morning. They are so sweet and just happy to be living life.

9
Today, I am thankful for our cleaning service. It is soooooo helpful to me to have them come every 2 weeks and worth every penny and more!

8
Today, I am thankful for our homeschool co-op. Usually at least once a week Gabe asks me, "Is today Tuesday?" and when I say no, he says, "Make sure to take me to homeschool co-op on Tuesday."

7
Today, I am thankful that the soreness in my jaw from wisdom teeth removal is getting less and less everyday!

6
Today I am thankful that one of my best friends will be moving near me next year! Post something you are thankful for everyday in November.

5
Today, I am thankful that this first deployment has been such a positive experience for everyone. With only being 4 years into this military career thing, we've got many to go!

4
Today, I am thankful for hydrogen peroxide, Facebook, and our indoor playset. Hydrogen peroxide because it cleared up a topical infection in one of my wisdom tooth sockets overnight. Facebook because of the ease of communicating with my local community of like minded parents. Our indoor playset because it keeps my children very busy (like um, right now.)

3
Today, I am thankful that I no longer need ibuprofen for post-op pain!

2
Today, I am thankful for my amazing community of friends. No matter what I need, they are always there to give me the support and information that I'm looking for.

1
Today, I am thankful that I got to talk to my husband for 36 minutes on the phone while I cooked dinner.

My girl enjoying a beautiful day.

Holidays and yearly rhythm

2011-11-12T13:21:00.000-06:00

How To Do The Holidays is something many of us have to figure out each year. For families who live near a large extended family, it might be a no brainer - have big family parties! I suppose the down side of that is that it's hard to do something different, even if you want to.

But for military families and other families who are mostly holed up within their nuclear families - for better or worse - we have some planning to do. I have chosen not to center our traditions around having extended family with us since that could so easily lead to disappointment when traveling isn't practical. In fact, Ryan will miss all the holidays this year so he isn't even a crucial part. Besides, our extended family is small, consisting of exactly 5 people, and it would be unlikely that we could see all of them at once. My kids don't have cousins. I think that is one reason I want to have a lot of children - so my kids will always have each other.

So many people have really good or really bad memories of The Holidays. Bad memories are hard to erase, so I've made it my goal to protect my children's experiences of The Holidays.

So what are our traditions? I'm sharing some of the old ones and some new ideas this year because I am really happy with them.

Halloween

We don't trick or treat. Every year since Gabe was born, I have looked for other people who don't trick or treat. This year we found some! We had a great pot-luck style Halloween party. Other things I make a point to do in October are pumpkin patches, pumpkin carving, and hayrides.

Martinmas

We celebrated Martinmas, Nov. 11, for the first time this year. It's a holiday typically celebrated in Waldorf education. We are celebrating the need to make our own light (literally) as the days get shorter and (figuratively) bringing light into our dark world. I told the story of St Martin (google St Martin + Waldorf to get the idea) and we made lanterns out of mason jars, tissue paper, paint, and ribbon for our lantern walk. For a 2 year old and a 4 year old, walking around the house and yard after dark singing This Little Light of Mine with lanterns in hand is great fun.

Thanksgiving

We had a potluck with friends yesterday, kind of for Thanksgiving. I'm really thankful to have such a wonderful community of friends here. Everyday in November, I post something I am thankful for on Facebook. My focus for Thanksgiving is to help my kids become aware that there are people who don't have all their material needs met, and since we have more than enough, we can help. As a side note, I love that they often watch me help mamas and babies in need of breastfeeding help. That is something they understand! It is very important to me to nurture feelings of gratitude in my kids and help them develop a sense of duty to help others. We are sponsoring a Sudanese refugee family for Christmas (google Lost Boys Norfolk) so we will wrap their presents as a little Thanksgiving craft. It is our routine to start the day with songs and a story, so I will find a Thanksgiving themed story to tell, probably by googling "Thanksgiving Waldorf story." We will eat turkey and traditional Thanksgiving food, but not too much, since it will be just us and one Grandma, unless I come across anyone else between now and then who would like to join us.

Day after Thanksgiving/Advent

It's our tradition to get our tree and put it up the day after Thanksgiving. We'll make an Advent wreath this year, too. I didn't even know what Advent was until last year! I wasn't raised with holiday traditions or rhythm of any kind so I probably have to think about it more than most. Since we are becoming Catholic, I'll be teaching my kids about the Christian meaning of Christmas for the first time. I feel so strongly that it is my job to protect them that I did not allow them to be exposed to religion until I chose a faith for us. Unfortunately, I know how destructive religion can be when used as a means to control and judge, so that is probably up there with the #1 things that I protect them from. One reason it was important to me to choose a religion/faith (same thing in my mind but I know the words matter greatly to some people) was to protect them from religions that I do not want them anywhere near. So thank you, Catholic friends, for your help with this. =)

St Nicholas Day Dec 6

This is another Waldorf add-in this year. I don't know exactly what we will do yet, but this is my starting point: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/waldorf-1/

Christmas

I make a point to go see a Christmas lights display in December, and now that the kids are a little older, I may add in some more seasonal activities. We will do a party with friends. I always work on a family photo album all year and make copies for the grandparents. I make each of the kids a book about themselves. We do not "do" Santa, but I try and get books about Santa so that the kids are not too confused when they are asked 45 times "Is Santa coming soon?!" by strangers in the grocery store. I can't stand commercial Christmas - the idea that "doing Christmas" equals opening presents - almost hate it. It sort of goes against everything I said I want for my kids under the Thanksgiving heading. As of this year, I am starting a Christmas day scavenger hunt. I bought them a wooden Noah's Ark set so they will get to find all the pieces, after I tell them a story about Noah's Ark (eh, my own version). We make chocolate pancakes on Christmas morning - that is a hit. This year, I'll tell them Christmas is Jesus' birthday. We always have chocolate on birthdays so it fits right in! Cinnamon rolls are another Christmas day treat. Somewhere right around Christmas we will probably make the Daddy is Coming Home Countdown Calendar.

For me, holidays are not hectic or stressful or full of consumerism. Holidays are an opportunity to learn stories, real or made up, that reflect our values and that are in common with other people. We learn the stories by hearing them, reading them, doing crafts and other activities related to them. The fall and winter holidays really create a rhythm to the year, and over time that rhythm is internalized and becomes part of our family culture.

It feels good to have a yearly rhythm and holiday traditions that I'm happy with, and I kind of think that's my job as the woman of the house.

The joys of small children

2011-11-06T17:18:00.000-06:00

"Please stop licking the pew."

This beautiful morning was our third Sunday at a new church, where I am trying to learn a style of worship with which I am unfamiliar, and I found myself telling my children repeatedly not to lick (!) the pews.

I guess going somewhere 3 times is just enough time for my children to stop thinking they have to behave nicely, and also just enough time for me to think they were going to keep behaving nicely. So I found myself near the front of the church with a very articulate two year old telling me she had to pee (but not really), or wanted to nurse (followed up by a grin and "nurse at home"). She finally resorted to pulling her dress over her head and "nursing" her doll, articulately telling me that her baby was nursing from her nipple. Then her "baby peed" and she had to "change her" (loudly). Then she pretended to run away. I say "pretended," because neither of my children have ever run away from me. It's just something they don't do. I caught on and ignored her. She didn't even get a foot away from the pew before stopping to just stand there, waiting expectantly for me to come get her (I didn't).

Then came the licking. She licked the pews, her brother, me. At this point, I couldn't help but laugh. And so she licked more.

Meanwhile, her 4 year old brother was quietly making obnoxious noises, which was encouraging another 2 year old to make the same noises, but less quietly. The 4 year old has a tendency to behave like a 2 year old sometimes, so when Susanna's licking started, he joined in.

During nap time later in the day, I very carefully planned out activities to put in their new "busy bags." In my imagination, I see them next Sunday sitting on either side of me quietly engaged in age appropriate activities. Or perhaps they will attempt to cover the entire church in stickers, after licking the pews.

But I still want to spend many more years having many more children. Maybe it's just because I've already gone crazy, but I think they are so darn cute and they bring so much joy into the world.

P.S. If you send a 2 year old to the bathroom alone to wash her hands and you hear the water running and said toddler chattering happily, do not assume she is washing her hands. There is a good chance the bathroom is being flooded and she thinks it's funny.

Faith Journey

2011-11-02T21:03:00.000-05:00

I have been going back and forth with whether or not I should share this on my blog. I have decided to share it, but I'm only giving a brief summary. I'm sharing it because if this were someone else's story, I would want to hear it, so I thought perhaps someone may want to hear my story. I don't mind discussing it more privately, but I don't want to say a lot on my blog.

My religious background is Baptist and non-denominational Christian. I was baptized in a Baptist church when I was an adolescent. I attended church for a few years and then stopped when I moved from my dad's house to my mom's house. In high school, I sometimes went with friends, but mostly gave up on it because so many things did not make sense to me.

In college, I worked for a Christian ministry and began attending non-denominational churches from time to time, but never joined one. Ryan and I got married when we were 21. At that time, I took the Couple to Couple League's natural family planning course because that was (and is) my preferred method of family planning. As part of the course, I received the Couple to Couple League's magazine for a year. What I saw in the magazine was everything that I wanted for my family - large families, breastfeeding, full time mothering, etc. I sort of jokingly said to Ryan (more than once), "Hey, I like these Catholics." He was not open to considering becoming Catholic, and I assumed that to be Catholic you had to be born Catholic. At that time, we were still looking at non-denominational churches but we never found anything we liked.

During the past 6 years, I have found that many - at least half - of my friends are Catholic. My Catholic friends are mothers with whom I share my most important values. I pretty much rejected Protestantism a couple years ago. I know that it's not for me. However, making up my own "non-denominational" religion wasn't really working either. I kept reading and hearing from Waldorf homeschooling sources that the most important thing the mother can do in the early years is find her spiritual path. I felt like I was re-inventing the wheel to do that.

Since my husband is deployed and therefore not here to argue with me, I decided to explore Catholicism by talking to some of my Catholic friends. I was given several books that have helped me to realize that I'm 1) not alone in my reservations about Protestantism, and 2) not crazy. Those books are Rome Sweet Home, Surprised by Truth, By What Authority, and Crossing the Tiber.

I started attending mass, and I'm excited to say that we are becoming Catholic! I hope to join the Church as a family next year. Ryan is on board, too, and attending mass where he is. The idea of attending mass, which I had never done before, with a 4 year old and a 2 year old by myself, was kind of daunting, so I was pretty sure that I wanted to become Catholic before I even took that step.

I didn't say all this because I think everybody reading this should become Catholic. I said all this to say that if you are like me and sort of looking for a spiritual path but not finding it in the places you are looking, look somewhere else!

This is only the beginning of our journey, but I feel so much peace about it and I know it is the right decision for us.

IBCLC!

2011-10-28T17:03:00.000-05:00

Today, along with some of my friends, I found out that I passed the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant exam! I decided about 3 years ago that I wanted to take it, and here I am. I do not have the time (or won't make the time, whatever) for employment right now, but I'm happy to have the IBCLC exam behind me anyway. I so enjoy helping moms and babies in my volunteer work.

I also got 2 of my wisdom teeth removed today. It hurt. I don't numb easily, but I feel much better now. After the surgery, I was given three prescriptions. I do not like to take medication unless absolutely necessary, so I asked, "I'm breastfeeding, can I take this?" I wanted to find out what I really had to take, and what was extraneous. I found out that I really only need one of the three meds given to me, the antibiotic.

Woodworking with Preschoolers

2011-10-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

Simple woodworking is one of our core crafts this year. I just gave Gabe a hand drill today.

He wood worked by himself for several hours this afternoon while I read a book in the sun and Susanna frolicked around me with a truck full of crab apples. Really.

Normally, we do something physically active on a sunny Monday afternoon, but I have a cold and the kids were happy, so I let them be.

I don't recall a time when Gabe has ever done anything by himself for several hours. He is a mechanically inclined kid for sure. At first, I tried to explain to him which way to turn the drill, but I quickly gave up. However, I noticed that he didn't have any trouble drilling those 20-ish holes and putting nuts and bolts in them by himself.

When I gave him the drill, the first thing he said was, "This is a gear," pointing to the gear that turns the other gear that turns the drill bit.

I bought the wood at a craft store and got a variety of sizes and textures. I started him off drilling and sawing balsa wood since it is so soft. (I watch more closely when he saws and the saw is small, but is a real saw.) I do have some projects in mind for this fall, but I first wanted him to just learn to use the tools. I got a large piece of hard plywood for him to use as his portable work bench. I bolted a clipboard clip to it at the top so that he can clip down small pieces of wood.

I LOVE doing crafts, now that I have discovered that we can do "real" things - woodworking, sewing, etc. I don't know why I was under the impression that preschool crafts only involve glitter, glue, and construction paper! See, that is what I get for thinking narrowly.

As a side note, it is getting chilly at night! We pulled out the "redder suits" tonight. They wore these wool jammies over their cotton jammies for about 5 months last fall/winter/spring, and luckily, they still fit.

Weaned and Weaning

2011-10-13T13:14:00.001-05:00

My first baby is now weaned.

newborn

1 year

2 years

3 years

I don't have any pictures of him nursing since he turned 4. He's 4 years and 4 months old. I don't remember the last time he nursed. Sometimes, he wants to nurse for literally 1 second but doesn't get any milk. I still count that as weaned. Four years seems about right for us.

My other baby is weaning.

She turned 2 less than a month ago. She'll probably completely wean sometime before her 5th birthday. I am putting limits on her nursing now. I start doing that at about 2 years. I will say that with her, I have soothed her in more ways than just nursing from birth, but I wouldn't call it "limits" until now. For example, now that she is a healthy 2 year old, I expect most of her nutrition - more than 50% - to come from food. That is not for her, it's for me. I occasionally leave her for up to 12 hours at a time and that is complicated if she can't go that long without nursing. I do think she is still a baby and needs to nurse, but she is perfectly capable of eating 3 meals per day, and she does (as you know if you know her!). Most of her nursing is in the early morning while I'm still sleeping, and I let her do it so that I can sleep. The early morning sleep-nursing falls into the category of not worth the battle, although I would slightly prefer to sleep without a baby attached to my breast.

I'm thankful to have had the support and information to nourish my babies both normally and optimally. I hope to be nursing babies for quite a while longer!

more on school

2011-10-02T20:10:00.000-05:00

We are several weeks into "school" now, and have a pretty good rhythm going. I'm using the Enki books and the Christopherus book. We start the morning with songs and movement. I've been adding one new song/movement per week and we'll keep the same songs for a while. The idea is to get the "breath and blood" flowing first thing in the morning. It's fun!

We do a different story every week, which I start off reading and eventually partially memorize. Gabe sometimes likes to repeat the story of the week back to me at bed time. During story time, we model things from the story with beeswax, progressively making more things from the story as the week goes on. Sometimes the two year old eats them, but that's okay. About once a week, I draw a picture with crayons to illustrate the story. The kids draw whatever they want. We hang all the pictures up and Gabe sometimes looks at them and talks about the stories from weeks past.

I choose one craft per week. We work on skills like tying knots, hand sewing, and woodworking. Helping in the kitchen is something they do regularly, too.

We made mittens from an old sweater! I made these that he will really wear, but he made one just to play with.

Last week, we started wet-on-wet watercolor painting. We are hanging all those pictures up, too. The wet-on-wet watercoloring is nice because I have them keep the paint on the paper and keep the colors separated. I would not start this with a child under 4, unless the toddler is participating with an older sibling. That works well for us, but I wouldn't do it with Susanna alone.

I let them go crazy with (cheap, washable) paint, too. Not more than once a week, though, because it drives me a little crazy!

I have another picture wall where I hang pictures from homeschool co-op and other miscellaneous pictures. It has become a tradition for us to hang up all our creations and Gabe expects it. Old ones eventually come down and are replaced.

We get 1-3 library books every week. We ride bikes to the library. We are not into reading 10-20 different books per day. We enjoy working with the same few stories, rather than joining the rat race to read more, more, more.

I make a habit of going bike riding at least once a week. Susanna is learning to pedal a tricycle. I have been keeping up with taking them swimming once a week, too, and I plan to even when it gets cold. PE is an important subject in our homeschool!

I'm not spending a lot of time doing "school," ie songs, stories, and crafts, but it is important time. It took a lot of figuring out to get where we are. I spent many, many nights studying after the kids were in bed during the past year. The Waldorf-inspired homeschooling that we do leads to much imaginative play as well! So it kind of goes on after I have stopped leading the activity.

I love having a strong family rhythm in which our life comes from within the home. I have read that this rhythm that is set in the early years sets the stage for later academic work in the homeschool. That makes sense to me. My kids love song time, story time, craft time painting time, etc. and generally know when to expect those things, but when they ask to have song time or paint for a second time in a day, we can do that, too. Especially at this age, I don't want to be shuffling kids around all day long to outside activities to let them build their lives away from home. I love the unity of our family. That is why we homeschool. I remember every day how blessed I am to live this life.

I've recently cut back on my own outside-the-family commitments to allow more time to focus inward. I believe in practicing what I preach, and I wouldn't be if my own life was rushed much of the time. My kids don't like it when I leave, and especially with Ryan deployed, I understand. I moved my bed time an hour earlier. My body let me know that I was pushing it. I appreciate how it does that. Besides, I am preparing to be pregnant in a few months and I like to prepare my body and mind for pregnancy in the months before conception. (I have had the good fortune to be able to do this thus far, for which I am thankful.) It is clear to me that there is nothing more important than cultivating a rhythmic, peaceful, happy home life for my growing family.

Susanna Michelle, 2 years old

2011-09-18T21:02:00.000-05:00

Susanna Michelle was born at home in Florida 2 years ago. I went into labor while nursing Gabe to sleep on a Friday night. I also went into labor with Gabe on a Friday night (after eating ice cream). Both were born on Saturdays. When I was in labor with her, I ran around in circles during contractions and got in the pool between contractions. I was trying to speed things up. It worked, but her labor was never as intense as my labor with Gabe.

She loves to be sung to and chased, especially at the same time.

I think she is precious and beautiful. I like her wide grin and her dimples. She is a delight to be around. Her chubbiness and cloth diapers make it challenging to find pants that fit. She won't wear dresses because they get in her way (I understand).

The way she says, "Happy birthday," is especially cute. She loves her brother so much and plays so well with him.

Her birthday shirt in the picture, made by Daddy, shows a little girl with two ice cream cones in her hands. Susanna almost always has something in each hand. Like marbles. Or dice. Sometimes I have to retrieve marbles and dice from the bed because she fell asleep with them in her hands.

She and Gabe snuggle up and go to sleep together, sometimes without me in the room!

Her speech has developed in first person and she usually uses pronouns correctly. Gabe's speech developed in third person and he spoke that way until just after he turned 2. I talk to Susanna in first person but I talked to Gabe mostly in third person when he was a baby. She says, "I do it self" a lot.

She has been pooping exclusively on the toilet for a couple months but pees in her diaper often enough that I keep one on her.

Her hair gets in her face if I don't pull it back. She likes to run away while I try to do her hair. Sometimes I can catch her on the toilet and do it that way.

She was born a Mama's baby, and she still wants to be with me all the time.

She still drools a lot, but I think she has all her teeth, or at least most of them. It's hard to get a look in there and come out with an intact finger.

When she is angry, she bites the nearest object, which is quite often her own hand. She leaves bite marks!

She likes her birthday cake, chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting and a number 2 written in blueberries. The standard around here.

I think that someday, she will be a fantastic big sister. It is hard to believe that when Gabe was her age, he was almost a big brother! Thank you, deployment, for making it impossible for me to get pregnant just yet!

our homeschool

2011-09-17T20:53:00.000-05:00

We have officially kicked off the school year homeschooling. Gabe was signed up for preschool, you may recall if you followed my preschool saga from last winter/spring. He is going to a preschool class within a homeschool co-op, and he really likes it. He knows the teacher. That's important for him. It's 2 hours once a week and I stay in the building while he is there. It's nice to have some special time with just Susanna.

We are doing a couple years of Waldorf-inspired kindergarten at home. I think Waldorf-inspired education meets the needs of the young child really well. I had to do a lot of searching for sources for things like stories, songs, and crafts. I did find what I was looking for, and have organized it in a way that works!

I even have a notebook!

Christopherus Homeschool Resources' Kindergarten with your Three to Six Year Old is my "outline" of sorts. I'm using the Enki Kindergarten Nature Stories, Folk/Fairy Tales, Crafts, and Movement books. It's so nice to sit down with my books to plan rather than search the web! The crafts are pretty unique, I think. The supplies to keep on hand include tools like a hand drill and a saw. Other materials include wood, pine cones, acorns, and yarn. And of course the typical Waldorf-y things like beeswax crayons and modeling beeswax. Wet-on-wet watercolor painting, too, but I'm not doing that just yet.

Some (most?) homeschool moms probably don't need as much instruction as I do in the preschool department. I had to sort of re-learn how to live in the magical world of the young child. My own schooling was almost exclusively academic "head" work. Not that I never did any "heart" and "hands" work, but I always thought that anything non-academic was really just supposed to make me better at academics, rather than have value in itself. Given the surplus of non-skill based college majors out there, I'd say I'm not alone in my experience. American culture has lost "heart" and "hands" work in favor of putting us all in cubicles 8+ hours per day to live in our heads. I want my kids to learn how to live in this world and do things, not just live in their heads while their body lies dormant. I don't want them to think that they can choose some interest of theirs, study it for 4 years at an expensive university, and then expect to be able to find a job with a bachelor of arts degree.

Anyway, back to preschool. I also bought the Christopherus drawing book because I can't draw. I know, you'd think they'd have taught me to draw in engineering school, right? Well, I can draw on the computer. That's not helpful for my 4 year old.

I believe in the value of lots and lots of "doing." Lots of movement, singing, stories, woodwork, arts. We don't sit down and intentionally work on things like letters and numbers. I did teach him letters and numbers in an informal way (how could I not, reading and math are such a part of daily life!).

I think that my very favorite thing about Waldorf-inspired education is that it is fun. It meets the young child in his world and teaches him through story and art. Rather than bringing the young child into the adult "head" world, it brings the adult into the magical child world.

filed under Homeschooling Expenses, PE

2011-09-09T20:56:00.000-05:00

I spent about 12 of the last 48 hours assembling our new play-set! Here is a video of the finished product.

The last time I used a drill was in my 10th grade drama tech class. Gabe told me how to use our drill since he's watched Ryan use it. I complained when Ryan bought it ("we don't need that") but I'm glad I didn't have to go drill shopping, too.

Since it's a custom play-set, there were no assembly instructions specific to my set, but the general instructions were very good. Had it been any bigger, I don't think I could have physically done it by myself. It did say 2-3 people required for the slide and the ramp, but I used creative positioning to pretend I had 4 hands. Gabe helped, too, but I did about half of it while the kids were asleep. I stayed up a tad past my bed time the past couple nights. =)

I'm proud of my creation! And I'm so done with putting things together! After FOUR bed frames and this play-set, I'm just done. I'm sore, too. All this physical activity has caused me to lose a little weight (yay!). That's the way I like to stay fit - physical activity in regular life. I'm not a gym person, and Susanna is not a gym nursery baby, despite Gabe's requests to go there.

Project Home Re-Organization: Complete! Thank you deployment money. I promise to save the rest of you. I feel like a grown up buying furniture that will last "forever."

I also feel that perhaps I spoil my precious children just a little? Money was tight for me growing up, so I sometimes have a hard time spending, or at least not feeling guilty about spending. I made peace with a savings rate of 20% and said IT'S OKAY to spend the rest (but if I don't spend the rest at the end of the month, I get a little excited). My kids never, ever get things in place of love. I think that is what true spoiling is. Giving presents instead of presence. But I see no harm in giving both! And really, they don't care about the things. They care about me being present with them. I like the beautiful environment, but if it all burned down, it would be okay.

Ryan and I designed it together, and the kids play with it exactly like I thought they would.

The beginning - 13 boxes!

COMPLETE!

The new bedroom

2011-09-04T20:31:00.000-05:00

Our bedroom is finally complete! It contains a king bed, a full bed, and a twin bed. I have 2 large under bed drawers and a nightstand with 2 drawers. I hung up new pictures on the empty wall. I have a salt lamp that we turn on at night when we have before bed play time. It is perfect for night time light. We don't typically do stories before bed. They'd rather play. Right now, the kids are loving using play silks to dress up as various animals and jump from bed to bed, hide under, etc. The past 2 days they have been flying squirrels. Play silks are the most used toy we own, I think. Gabe sleeps on the twin, and Susanna and I sleep on the king. The full will be used more when the third baby comes along, hopefully in about 13 months!

(I move him before I come to bed.)

Changing our routine

2011-08-21T21:55:00.000-05:00

May, June, and July the kids and I were out and about a lot, swimming most days and usually doing one other out of the house activity, too. A couple weeks before Ryan left, they started wanting to stay home more, and now we are down to a minimum of outings that require getting in the car. I'm kind of amazed at how much gas money I'm not spending!

The slower, staying home more pace of life is working right now. With Ryan being gone, they need me to sit around and play with them more. Spending less time in the car gives us more play time. I still have to do the basics - cooking and cleaning - so being home most of the time helps me get that done without being rushed. My cleaning service is worth every penny, but there is still basic housework to be done. Gabe is good about helping to pick things up. He got that from Ryan, the more orderly one between us. Susanna likes to throw things away, which is sometimes helpful and sometimes exasperating.

The kids haven't talked about missing Daddy, but tonight Gabe said that he wished there were 2 "growin' ups" here. He says that even when Ryan is not deployed but at work. He likes to have one grown up per kid I guess. I don't know what he's going to do when we have another baby! I've been mentioning tidbits here and there about having another baby when he is 5 or 6. My mom told him that I nursed until my 6th birthday so he is convinced that he is going to nurse until his 6th birthday. I plan to have him weaned when Ryan gets back and I get pregnant again. I told him today that when I have a baby in my belly again, there won't be as much milk so that would be a good time for him to stop nursing. He immediately said, "But Susanna needs milk!" I told him that he could stop nursing to save the milk for her, and he replied, "But she needs a lot of milk!" So I said that she will be older then and won't need as much. He seemed satisfied with that.

I've made a weekly meal plan that doesn't really change. I've done that before loosely, but before I had a list of meals for the week, and now I have meals attached to particular days. Gabe is old enough now to say, "I don't want salmon tonight, I want fish sticks." To which I can reply, "But it's Thursday and on Thursday we have salmon. Tomorrow is Friday and we have fish sticks on Friday." The meals are super simple. I have a CSA, which is awesome, so the veggies vary but the main protein stays the same. I eat most of my raw veggies at lunch. Kids choose not to eat raw veggies usually.

Sunday: pizza - frozen crust, jarred sauce, cheese
Monday: eggs and veggies
Tuesday: salmon, bread, veggies
Wednesday: main dish with potatoes, other veggies (we are getting a lot of potatoes right now)
Thursday: salmon, bread, veggies
Friday: fish sticks veggies
Saturday: something with ground beef in it (tacos, etc)

I've never really been much of an interior designer, but since Ryan has been gone and since we are making extra money, I've been buying furniture and decorating. It's fun. The big things I bought are 3 more bed frames and an indoor play set. It should all be here by mid Sept!

Chopped my hair off, too.

Excited about doing some midwifery training this fall. Midwifery doesn't fit into my life yet, but I couldn't pass up a learning opportunity close to home! I recently read Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin, which I had not read before, and I really enjoyed it. Some dots were connected for me. That was her only book I had not read.

I do love birth and breastfeeding work, but most of all, I love mothering. I count it as a blessing every day that I can be with my children full time.

Ryan and I are in daily contact via e-mail and via private blog that we post back and forth on. We started the blog mostly for the kids. I post videos and pictures of our day, and Ryan does the same. We get pictures of things like his bed with the yellow pillow that he brought from Gabe's bed from home, a restaurant he ate dinner at, etc.

I was reading Naomi Aldort's newsletter last week and she said, "Happiness is a choice." I really liked that. It complimented the whole tone of Spiritual Midwifery, which I was reading at the time. Carrie at The Parenting Passageway says that we as mothers set the tone for our homes. That idea sunk in for me within the past year. I realized that in my home, I am the leader of the home and family, and my attitude is generally shared by at least 2 other people, 3 when he's home. The kids and I are very much a unit at this point. They are so little and spend nearly all their time with me, so of course I matter! If I'm happy, they are happy. It is as simple as that for us at this stage of life. Once upon a time not so long ago, I thought Gabe needed preschool or "classes," but he really just needed me to play with him.

Sometimes in birth, progress seems to be stalled and the mother is frustrated. Often times, she just needs to know that she is strong, she knows what to do, she is doing it, and nothing else matters right now.

Holding up the home front

2011-08-16T21:41:00.000-05:00

Ryan missed my 27th birthday. I think this is the third year in a row, and it's not like he has been gone that much before this deployment! My mom made me a cake and my children were sweet, so it's okay.

Ryan and I will have been together 8 years this year. Married 6. We've had a long time to prepare for deployment. Truth be told, it is kind of exciting. The timing couldn't have been better. We aren't newlyweds. We aren't new to adulthood. I'm not pregnant. The kids aren't babies anymore (but they do both still nurse). We are in good health. We are financially stable. We rent our house so we don't have to worry about house problems. I've figured out the how-to-be-a-mom thing, at least for the time being. Ryan really likes his career. He is only supposed (SUPPOSED!) to be gone 5 months.

He reminds me often that he married me because he knew I'd be fine without him. When I married him, I said, NO WAY ARE YOU EVER LEAVING ME FOR 6 MONTHS! Deployment sounded like a horrible, terrible, awful thing, and I dreaded it. Six years later, I'm totally okay with solo parenting for half a year. The kids are both much more attached to me, which we have encouraged for this exact reason, and they are used to him being gone most of the time they are awake anyway.

I'm so thankful we chose to start having children so "young," because I really doubt that I'd feel very secure if I was just now having my first baby. People told us not to have kids in flight school because it would be "so hard." We decided to have a 2nd baby while in flight school because it wasn't "so hard." I don't mean to say it was easy, because I clearly was not the person learning to fly, but after getting through engineering at Georgia Tech, I knew how to work hard and knew to expect him to be working hard in flight school. He is definitely a lot busier now than he ever was then, which is fine because we are more mature now and can deal with it. I remember sort of giggling when people in college thought they had "no time," and would get married and have kids later when they "had more time." I was under no illusion that college would be the most challenging part of my life. So I got married over Christmas break junior year and graduated 8 months pregnant.

I'm looking at deployment kind of like childbirth. We are in early labor right now. It doesn't hurt and I can do this. I won't listen to anyone who doesn't believe in me. If I think that it will hurt, it definitely will. It might hurt anyway, but the more relaxed and trusting I am about it, the more likely it will be to go smoothly. Most of the time, there is a happy ending. I understand that tragedy can strike at any moment, but I don't dwell on it because I like to enjoy my time on earth.

And I'm looking forward to getting pregnant when Ryan gets home. Deployment during birth or with a new baby will be a whole different adventure, but we'll make it through that, too, if that is what the Navy gives us.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

2011-08-02T21:43:00.000-05:00

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I would like to say that I love La Leche League. LLL was started by 7 mothers in the 1950s, then launched the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant as a profession in the 1980s, and is a thriving international organization today. I feel like I'm part of the history of bringing breastfeeding back to mothers by being part of LLL. I am proud to be friends and colleagues with the wonderful people that are my local LLL leaders.

Seeing them through the lens of the relationship

2011-07-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

When a child has a behavior problem, there is usually a parent-child relationship problem. No child is an island. I have observed that children are often seen as adult-like individuals, completely responsible for their own actions. Even adults are who they are because of their relationships with other people. No grown up is an island either.

On the two far ends of the parenting spectrum, which in my opinion sort of make a circle, are the authoritarian philosophy and the permissive philosophy. (I know some people are offended at the use of labels, but please remember that verbal communication has its limits and I don't know how else to say what I mean. These are extremes, and the definitions are mine.)

The authoritarian philosophy treats children as individuals who are innately bad and need to be trained to obey their parents. If a child does something he has been told not to do, or fails to do something he has been told to do, he is sinning. He is making the choice to be bad. His parents are not responsible for his behavior.

The permissive philosophy treats children as individuals who are innately good and who have inborn preferences and ways of doing things. If a child does something that is considered unacceptable by most people, he is innocently exploring. He should be allowed to find his own way. His parents are not responsible for his behavior.

What these philosophies fail to take into account is human development. Children imitate their parents and look to their parents for leadership. Whether the parents believe it or not, their children are imitating them. If they are not attached to their parents, they will find attachment relationships elsewhere, and probably not in a healthy way.

When a child has a behavior problem, there is usually a parent-child relationship problem. I know this because I've been there. I even considered putting Gabe in preschool because of it! I didn't recognize his behavior problems as a relationship problem until I tried some solutions that did not work, like preschool. He was being very aggressive, beyond normal, to his sister. It was not his problem, it was our problem, and it was my responsibility to fix it as the leader of the family. (No offense to people who use school, but I never planned to so it was a drastic move for me.)

I don't think very many people in the general population recognize the importance of the parent-child relationship, even though all of the writing about "attachment" or "positive" parenting is based on the idea that the parent-child relationship is the key to successful parenting. I see lots of dysfunctional relationships portrayed in children's media, which is why I am so picky about my kids' media exposure. I think that most people fall close to either the authoritarian or permissive philosophy. I have a great circle of attachment parenting friends, but outside of that, I usually observe parenting that treats the child as an adult-like individual.

Looking at children through the lens of the parent-child relationship gives a lot of power and responsibility to parents. I have overheard conversations that basically say parenting doesn't matter. Children will be who they want to be. I intuitively thought that was not right, but as my children have gotten older, I see that it is utterly and completely wrong.

I certainly don't mean to imply that children must always behave perfectly, lest their parents must be screwing up. Children are people, too. None of us behave perfectly all the time. We are human. But, as a human and as a parent, I understand that there is a difference between normal imperfect behavior and pathologically wrong behavior indicative of a relationship problem.

A preschooler occasionally hitting out of frustration: normal.

A preschooler hitting many times per day and what seems like every chance he gets: not normal, please fix the parent-child relationship.

As parents, we have a lot of power and a lot of responsibility. We have the opportunity to raise compassionate, cooperative people, by placing our relationship with them as Most Important in the parenting department.

One way to apply this, a way that I think is very, very important, is to show our children that we value them for who they are. Teach them how to communicate effectively when they need help, and point out that positive communication when we see them do it. Don't place as much importance on what they "can do," like talking, reading, swimming, algebra, etc. Adults like to ask children what they can do and push them to do more. This creates a competitive attitude not focused on emotional development. Learning to "do" things is wonderful in itself and I certainly enjoy seeing my children learn skills, but I consciously avoid "Good job!" type of praise. I don't want my children to relate to other people by what each "can do."

I love raising happy, delightful children who I enjoy being with, and who I am not embarrassed to take out in public. I understand that we are not perfect, but nobody is going to describe us as "terrible," "tyrannical," or "rebellious." I suppose this goes back to the nature/nurture debate, but I can say with certainly that nurturing relationships leads to happy, productive people.

Finding my place

2011-07-24T13:50:00.000-05:00

When we were preparing for our first military move from Georgia three and a half years ago, I wondered what I was going to do in my new home. I was so tied to my (volunteer) work in Atlanta and I knew I would miss it, and I had to do something, right? Other than take care of my baby, I mean. I think I spent the whole two years we lived in Florida in the process of finding my place, but I never exactly felt settled. I suppose it is always a process, but now in our home in Virginia, I feel like I have found my place.

I never went back to the type of work I did in Georgia, but I found a new calling. I say calling because the work just draws me to it. I can't not do it. Tomorrow, I am taking the International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners (IBLCE) exam. Unfortunately, I have to wait three months to find out if I passed! When I started providing support to breastfeeding mothers two and a half years ago, I thought that I wanted to do it to help mothers breastfeed their babies. To give them accurate information so that they would continue breastfeeding.

When I started my training to become a childbirth educator two years ago, I thought that I wanted to do it so that mothers in my classes would succeed at having natural childbirths. So that they would have non-medical tools to cope with labor.

Now that I have been providing information and support to mothers via phone and in person for a while, I see my role a bit differently. I have found myself explaining to a new mother how to dry up her milk because she was choosing not to breastfeed. I have found myself telling an exhausted new mom that she can choose to give her baby a bottle. In those kinds of situations, I feel sad for what I perceive to be a loss, but I also feel happy when I realize that I have given the mother what she needed. I have empowered her as her baby's mother, placing the value on her and the relationship she has with her baby.

Sometimes, I think about devoting more of myself to birth and breastfeeding work, and I remember that I have made the choice to be with my children, pretty much all the time. They often accompany me to home visits and are in the background when I'm on the phone, but they can't come with me to teach classes and I don't attend births because of them. I don't do home visits all that often, usually less than once a week but more than once a month, but when I get those calls, it always seems to work out that I can go see the mother. Someday, I might pursue midwifery and be more completely involved in my work. I am grateful to the women who came before me to bring birth and breastfeeding back to mothers. Many of them were away from their families to do the work that was needed, and for that, I am very thankful because I have reaped the benefits.

I have chosen to homeschool and to continue having children, and that is what brings me the most joy, and what I think is ultimately my most important job at this point. It would be nice if Ryan were available to help more, or if we lived in a neighborhood with lots of family members and our 50 best friends. Although I have found great friends here and feel very supported in my parenting journey, they also all live in nuclear families and none of them live next door. Living in a somewhat isolated nuclear family does have its benefits, and I like our life. It works for us, even though I sometimes feel that pull of wanting to do more.

I've found my place. I can raise my family in a great place with supportive friends. I can do my work. I've found balance, although I often daydream about doing more. Life is as it should be.

the new family bedroom and other exciting things

2011-07-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

Today was an unusually cool day, 75-80 degrees, so the kids and I opened all the windows and enjoyed our house and yard. We have been swimming most days and had not played in the backyard in a while.

About two months ago, we had to replace our king mattress because it had mildewed. This happened in Florida, too, but we thought we were safe putting it on carpet here. I decided to get a bed frame along with the new mattress to prevent mildew/mold in the future. About the same time, Gabe decided to move to his own bed in our room. The family bed was getting crowded with the 4 of us.

Today while we were chalking in the front yard, the last piece of our new bedroom arrived!

Anything that comes in the mail that has to be assembled is great fun for Gabe. I decided to go ahead and buy a good quality frame that we won't need to replace. I usually regret it when I buy something cheap and disposable - I tried a cheapie fold-up metal frame first and returned it. The good one we bought is an oak and pine platform frame that we purchased from a local retailer. It is very well made, but I did have to put every single piece together. I was amazed at how small of a box it came in! The head board was the challenge. It was just hard to get all those dowels to stay in long enough to get the legs on. It took us 3 hours, but that included, lunch, getting Susanna down for nap, Susanna waking up, several bathroom breaks, and other interruptions that typically happen with small children. Amazingly, I didn't put anything together incorrectly and subsequently have to take it apart. Gabe really was a big help, screwing things in and holding things up.

When I bought our new mattress, an organic cotton and latex foam futon mattress, I bought new bedding, too. I never liked our previous sheets or comforter. The organic cotton sheets and wool comforter I bought are great. I have a feeling that I will eventually regret buying a wool comforter that is not supposed to be washed, but in the meantime, I love it. Not that we are using it in the summer, but it smells good and looks pretty. The main reason I opted for organic is that I wanted a good quality cotton and latex futon mattress and those are hard to come by. The one I found happened to be organic, which was a bonus. I've always slept on futon mattresses.

Gabe's little bed is next to ours. I bought him the cheapie metal frame and it works fine for his bed. I also bought the cheapie metal frame for the queen bed in the kids'/guest room. All our mattresses were previously on the floor. I bought Gabe new sheets, down pillows, and a down comforter. He picked the colors, with some help from Mommy. The sheets are yellow - not visible in the picture here. He has a bed rail because he will definitely fall off the bed without it. I might replace his bed with twin on full bunk beds in a year or so, but I'm not sure yet. All our beds have waterproof allergy covers. (And they do work to keep pee off the bed!)

I'm glad to finally have the new bedroom complete! I'm also thankful to have so much space in our bedroom to configure the beds however we want. I don't envision the kids sleeping in a separate room anytime soon.

In other news, the kids' flight suits also arrived today. Ryan "brought them home from work." They love them. Gabe went straight to Ryan's office to "fly his helicopter" after putting on his flight suit. Susanna eagerly waited her turn to fly.

I'm starting to really like the close age spacing between my kids. They play together now. And like each other. Susanna likes to wear Gabe's clothes.

It's that time of year again - blueberries!

2011-07-08T20:48:00.000-05:00

We really like blueberries. I look forward to picking them every summer. It's a weekly tradition for us during blueberry season. It's hot and sticky, and it takes a long time to get a substantial amount. The kids are mostly along for the ride while I do the work. It's a half hour drive to the blueberry farm and we pick for about 2 hours. I can't say that I love picking blueberries, but since we love eating them, I think it's a worthwhile experience. At least I burn come calories.

The joy of family-based learning

2011-06-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

There are certain skills that American children are generally expected to learn in school or from lessons. These skills include reading, math, and swimming. There are others, but those are the ones I'm going to talk about. I know intellectually that my children will learn those things from family and community life. I have always known that. But it's different when it actually happens.

It's empowering. It gives me a told-you-so sort of feeling, although I have no idea who you might be. Nobody has criticized my family for homeschooling. Maybe it is just the collective you that is the modern American idea that learning happens primarily from trained teachers.

I guess it's just really cool to know, to really know because it's happened, that school does not have a monopoly on learning.

Today, Gabe spent hours at the pool jumping into water over his head and swimming to the steps. I mostly watched, and helped when needed, giving only the help he needed. I think it looked like I was giving a structured swimming lesson, but he was completely in control of what he was doing. I showed him things and gave suggestions, but since I already knew that he could swim enough to be water-safe (as water-safe as a 4 year old gets), I was not worried about him learning more.

I taught my child to swim.

I'm not a swimming teacher. Full disclosure, I used to be a lifeguard and a camp counselor and I have a background in teaching, but really, I'm just a mother teaching her kids to swim. It was not frustrating. No one cried. It did not require other-worldly amounts of patience.

Frustration with teaching is my cue to stop because I've done something wrong.

I am a competent swimmer, we went swimming every day for a month (or so), I modeled and talked about swimming, and now I have a 4 year old who can swim. (And a toddler who is pretty good in the water herself.)

Cool, huh?

I've been casually "teaching" reading and math. I feel lots of joy when I hear things like "Mommy, did you know that three tens is thirty?" It is actually humbling in a profound way because I didn't specifically teach him about multiplication. I gave him the tools to learn it by himself. I'm amazed both that my teaching is working, and that learning happens anyway.

I laugh, but also feel joy at conversations like this:
Susanna: "Mamich!"
Gabe: "It's not MAMich, it's SANDwich. It starts with a S, not a M, Susanna."

I'm not gloating that he can swim, do some basic math, and usually identify what letter a word begins with. The learned skills are secondary to the relationship that he has with his parents. The healthy emotional development that has come from the family relationships is precisely why he is able to so easily learn these skills within the family. And I think that is really, really cool.

Happy birthday to Gabe

2011-06-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

Four years ago, I was in labor with my first baby, after some chocolate ice cream and a walk around the neighborhood. It wouldn't be long before I would call my midwife to attend my first home birth in our 900 square foot apartment. I was 22 and had graduated from college 7 weeks earlier. (After an internship in college, I decided I'd rather have babies than sit in a cubicle in corporate America drawing HVAC stuff.)

Now he's 4. FOUR. 4!

And he seems to like my plan of having babies instead of doing cubicle work. From time to time, he mentions something about "our next baby," like when we passed the baby shoes section of Kohl's. He said, "Let's get these shoes for our next baby." There is not a next baby on the way yet. That's on the plan for next year. The plan is to avoid having a 2 year old and a newborn at the same time. Sometimes I think my babies make me a tad crazy, but I think I'm much saner than I would be without them.

Four year olds are still babies, by the way. My 4 year old baby nurses 3 times a day, but he agreed to go down to 2 per day after his birthday. We will read a book instead of his lunch time nursing, he says. I suppose I won't be nursing him in public anymore with dropping the mid-day nursing. The weaning plan is to have him completely weaned before I get pregnant again.

On the first day Gabe was riding his new bike, he said that he was going to ride to the moon because his bike has reflectors. He's very observant and likes to point out the differences between all our bikes. He's always liked to "go find the moon." Hence, his birthday shirt this year, courtesy of Daddy. He has been wearing it for 5 days now. We started celebrating his birthday last weekend when the grandparents were here.

Grandpa and Daddy were thrilled to take Gabe to ride go-carts to celebrate his birthday. As Mommy predicted, Gabe was thrilled to go along for the ride, but not interested in driving the kiddie-carts. He's a cautious kid. Or as a friend puts it, he has a good sense of self preservation.

Poor Susanna was so upset that she couldn't go on the go-carts with Gabe. She's not 36 inches tall yet. I thought she'd enjoy watching, but she didn't. She wanted to go, too. We put her 1 year birthday shirt on her for the day.

I made our traditional birthday cake with the number written in blueberries. It's not fancy but it tastes good and if I ever changed it, my kids would want to know where their birthday cake went.

Gabriel Ryan, birth to 4 years...

1 year old

2nd birthday

3 years old

4!!!

Tomorrow, on his actual birthday, we'll celebrate again!

Preparing for Deployment: The Daddy Fairy

2011-06-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

Ryan's original deployment date got moved back and he will get to spend most of the summer with us! Still, it is creeping up, and going early is always a possibility. He's scheduled to be gone 5 months. This will be our first deployment. We've had plenty of time to prepare for it, but I suppose it is one of those things you can't really understand until it's happening.

I've thought a lot about how to help the kids handle it. It will affect Gabe much more than Susanna since he's older. He'll be 4 and she'll turn 2. Ryan and Gabe made a cardboard helicopter for Gabe to "fly" in Ryan's office. I'm going to buy the kids flight suits, which "Daddy will bring home from work."

Today, we bought gifts for "Daddy to send" them once a month. We were hoping to go on a date to pick out the toys, but we ended up taking the kids along. Thankfully, this store has a play area that Gabe loves to play in! Sneaky parents we are, leaving the store with a bag of toys without them ever knowing.

Gabe is getting a map puzzle, a decorate-your-own train, watercolor paints, and a model airplane

Susanna is getting a broom, a baby doll, doll house dolls, and a peg puzzle

Instead of Santa, we have The Daddy Fairy. We have never given presents for holidays. We celebrate holidays, primarily so that our kids have a sense of shared experiences with other people, but we don't give gifts, outside of the yearly photo books. Ryan makes the kids birthday shirts each year for their birthdays, which is a lot of fun. Gabe's for his 4th birthday is super cool and will be posted in a couple weeks.

It was fun to wrap all the toys in old maps and address them from Daddy. Daddy wrote special notes on each one. This deployment is something real and the gifts do mean something. They mean that Daddy is thinking about his babies from half way across the world. The toys won't replace the real person, but they will remind the kids in a tangible way that Daddy still loves them. The kids will find the packages on our porch once a month, and they will probably assume that Daddy mailed them. He could mail them, but that's more trouble and money than it's worth.

I also bought each child a Hallmark recordable story book and Ryan is recording them as I write. They will get those "in the mail from Daddy" a week or so after he leaves.

Two books that say "I love you," one shorter for a busy toddler and one longer for a preschooler

We will get to talk on the phone and Skype while he is gone, so the kids will still get to interact with him. We'll be alright.

School - changing our course, Part 3

2011-06-07T21:46:00.001-05:00

I haven't officially withdrawn Gabe from his future preschool, but I plan to. School just isn't for us. I've thought about it a lot, and I can't envision school being part of our lives in the foreseeable future. We have found several other activities to fill the needs that I thought school would fill. I can't afford school and our other activities anyway. I laugh when I think about the roundabout way we got to this place of finding what works.

I so seldom do anything the most common way. Case in point, I recently passed the exam to be an ICEA Certified Childbirth Educator (ICCE). It is difficult for me to travel or attend births because I don't want to leave my kids and Ryan works a lot. Therefore, it would have been nearly impossible for me to complete the workshop and other requirements for the ICEA training. So I trained through another organization that allowed me to do all the work from home, got certified with them, and then paid to take the ICEA exam as a "previously certified" childbirth educator. Who plans to do that??? I digress.

I don't know why I thought that putting Gabe in school is what we needed. Well, I do know. I thought that I needed someone to watch my kid so I could clean my house. Isn't that what other people do? I have never, ever at any point in my life enjoyed house cleaning, as I discussed in a previous post. Why didn't it occur to me that I needed someone else to clean my house so that I could spend time with my kids??? Duh.

When it comes to fun (to me) things like swimming and bike riding, I don't want to sit on the sidelines. I want to play. So we bought me a new (used) bike. I was previously riding my mother-in-law's bike from 1985, and my wrists were in pain from the poorly designed handle bars. We also bought a membership to our local JCC - like the YMCA - mostly for the indoor and outdoor pools. Gabe is so close to being able to swim. They both "practice their swimming" every time we go, which is nearly daily. I initially gave them a lot of instruction and now I am just watching it all unfold.

I approached reading and math the same way with Gabe. When I started intentionally teaching him phonics and counting/addition/subtraction, I gave him a lot of instruction. I have been mostly just watching for a month or two now. I'm amazed all the time at what he knows, and is continually learning. The method that I fell into was to cram in a lot of information and give it a lot of time to soak in. Works for us. An annoying side effect is that his favorite time to do addition and subtraction is bed-time.

I am lucky enough to be able to provide lessons for things I want my kids to learn that I can't do. We take a music class together and love it. It's Music Together. They would hate it and refuse to go if I had to sit and watch rather than participate. I'll never believe that toddlers and preschoolers need to take classes without a parent. It's fine if they want to, but it's not needed for normal development.

Gabe is signed up for the preschool class at one of our local homeschool co-ops in the fall. It's 2 hours one day per week. That is more for me. I want to spend time around other homeschooling families. I do think he will enjoy it because he knows the teacher. That is the key for my kids - they have to trust the grown-up in charge or they aren't happy. Understandably so. They are relatively helpless and need to know who is going to take care of them.

I know that school isn't for us, but I'm certainly not anti-teaching. I'm not into making my kids re-invent the wheel when I can just teach them. I'm not forcing them to learn anything. That is not the kind of family we have. They have always been receptive to my teaching, except for the time I tried to potty train Susanna. I don't believe the only options are the extremes of forced schooling and child-led living. Of course I don't want my kids to think that education is anything less than the privilege that it is. On the same note, I don't want them to think that they have to take the lead in life and figure everything out for themselves in this complicated world.

Another important thing to realize as parents and teachers is that our kids do not always immediately indicate that they learned the task we intended to teach them. That's normal and okay. That does not mean that we failed and should refrain from all instruction, or that we must drill the information into them when they aren't engaged. There is so much in the world that can be learned. I am incredibly grateful that I have a solid idea of the opportunities that I want to provide for my kids in the near future (and the ones I want to stay away from).

I'm so happy to have found what works for us. No more children fighting. No more dirty house. Much more bike riding, swimming, singing, reading, and arithmetic.

It's so fun to watch them grow up. I think they get more wonderful every day.

Oh, and Gabe is a little engineer and Susanna likes dolls. It seems to be innate, and it's very cute.

Let them fall

2011-05-30T21:25:00.001-05:00

I started teaching my kids to swim a few weeks ago, after not having been in the water since last summer. I am a good swimmer myself so this is something I am comfortable with. The first lesson my kids learned was their own limits in the water. To learn those limits, I let them fall in. At first, I did not get more than a foot away from them so that I could pick them up within a second of going under. They didn't fall much before they figured out how to safely navigate the pool. After just a few weeks, I feel comfortable with being about 10 feet away from either of them in water that they can stand in. The first time or two they fell in water that was not above their heads, I had to help them get up. I wanted them to learn to stand up themselves. It is so easy for a child to drawn, even in water that they can stand in.

Gabe had a scary experience in the water last summer. The pool we swam in was above his head and he always wore a life jacket so that he could get around. I did not teach him how to be safe without the life jacket. (I did the previous summer but I made the mistake of not reinforcing it.) He took it off and stepped in, forgetting that he was not wearing it. I was about 5 feet away and he was probably under water for 5 seconds or so before I pulled him out. He was not hurt, but he was scared I realized the importance of teaching him his own limits in the water.

I would much, much rather let them learn their limits standing 10 inches away than have to rush to help them from 10 feet away. Accidents can still happen, but are less likely when they are aware of their limits and have fallen and gotten up a few times.

This idea of let them fall is a core parenting principle of mine. It comes right after create a secure child-parent attachment.

Let them fall started out as letting Gabe fall when he was learning to walk. Always with a watchful eye, I let him learn his physical limits. It works very well for my family and I'm thankful that I have let my kids learn their own physical limits. I believe that it reduces the incidence of serious injuries. I know that some people may think it's a little weird to let a curious 1 year old fall into the deep end of the pool, but the 1 year old was under water for less than 1 second and it only happened 1 time. Besides, most babies instinctively hold their breath. In a calm, matter-of-fact way, they are learning to be safe in the water. They are cautious, but not scared.

As my kids grow, let them fall evolves to include more than just the physical, as they learn to navigate the world. They are learning their limits through exploration, but when they get in over their heads, the wider limit of Mommy being nearby saves them. I hope that this first-hand learning of limits will serve them well as they get older and begin to do more things without me.

Water babies (pics)

2011-05-29T21:37:00.000-05:00

To me, summer means spending at least a couple hours a day at the pool. This is what I grew up doing, and I still enjoy it. My kids like to sit on the edge of the pool and watch me do underwater flips. I started doing it to encourage them to put their heads underwater, but it just turned into a show.

One perk of being in the Navy is the always nearby beach. I'd usually rather go to the pool, but the beach is a fun change of pace.

Daddy caught a crab!

My kids are at such fun ages! (Pictures)

2011-05-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

I can't believe Gabe will be FOUR in a month! Susanna is 20 months. That is closer to TWO than ONE! We have so much fun together. We finally have kids, rather than just babies. Bike riding and learning to swim are our main activities right now. Gabe flew the coop in the family bed. He got kicked by his sister one too many times I guess. Post to come once we are finished re-doing the bedroom.

I guess we won't have any more pictures like this, unless they move back to the same bed later.

We found a snapping turtle on a bike ride!

I love that baby's curls.

They had so much fun on our first beach visit this year! (First that was warm enough for swimming, that is.)

This was before the first time in the (indoor) pool. Susanna warmed up to it quickly and now it is a near daily activity. They gave up on the life jackets and Gabe is learning to swim. If he can ride a bike, he can swim, right?! I know he can, but he hasn't quite figured it out yet.

He wrote his name, coached by Daddy.

Learning to ride a bike

2011-05-09T16:42:00.000-05:00

Almost exactly 3 years ago, my first born baby started walking. Today, he started riding a bike. In just over a month, he will be 4 years old! He nurses three times a day and still likes me to rock him to sleep.

This picture was taken last night, about 5 minutes after he crawled into my lap. He stayed up 2 and a half hours past his bedtime diligently working on his cardboard helicopter with Ryan.

It is almost finished.

While I was nursing Susanna at the park this morning, he picked up a friend's bike and started riding it.

After we were done at the park, Ryan called to say he'd be home early. I quickly made plans for us to go to the bike shop to get Gabe his new bike. For the past several months, Gabe has been riding a balance bike - a bike with no pedals - and it seemed a little silly to wait until he is 4 to buy him a real bike. We got him a 16" bike and he got right on it and was off.

He said, "I'm going to ride my bike to the moon tonight! I'll be able to see because it has reflectors!"

On hiring a cleaning service

2011-05-04T20:27:00.000-05:00

For years (YEARS), I have been talking about hiring a cleaning lady. My husband always scrunched his face and said, "Honey," as if he knew that I could not possibly be serious. It had nothing to do with the cost - we never bothered to find out the cost. We had this deep-seated idea that we shouldn't hire a cleaning service because it was my job to clean our house. It is my responsibility to keep house, just like it is for many (most?) women. It's also my responsibility to keep up the maintenance on the van but that doesn't mean that I have to change the oil. I can, by the way, change the oil, but I prefer not to with two toddlers helping. Maybe when they are older we'll give it a shot. Until then, we play in the play area at the dealership while the mechanics change the oil

So, if you have always dreamed about hiring a cleaning lady but the idea made you feel guilty, this post is for you. If it never occurred to you to feel guilty about using a cleaning service, why didn't you talk some sense into me?! And if you love cleaning, well, clean on.

I hate deep cleaning. I'm not a slob. I keep the house picked up. I've never to my recollection left dishes in the sink overnight. But I really, really hate scrubbing toilets. Hate it. Still, Ryan and I had it in our minds that hired cleaning help would be a waste of money. Because I should do it. After all, what else am I doing all day? I only take care of two toddlers. It's not like I have a job, or something.

As always seems to happen when Ryan is out of town working, I made a major decision this week. I hired a cleaning service. (And do you know what the first thing Ryan said was when I told him - told him, not asked him - he said, "That's like another phone bill. Wait, more than a phone bill." I said, "Did you have a point?") They are coming for the first time next week and will come every two weeks. Unlike preschool, I can't imagine this not working out. I've been impressed with the company so far, and honestly, their standards of toilet cleaning are probably higher than mine. The cleaning products they use are acceptable to me.

Speaking of preschool, one of the reasons I wanted to put Gabe in preschool was so that I could get more housework done. It was ingrained in my head that it was okay to pay someone to take care of my kids for a while, but that I couldn't pay someone to clean my house. House cleaning, by the way, is cheaper. Maybe I need therapy for my hang-ups about hired help for house cleaning?!

Nobody can do everything, and most people with middle class incomes pay other people to do the jobs they can't or do not want to do. This week, a new dishwasher was installed in my house by someone other than me. This week, a fence is being put up around my house by someone other than me.

Years ago in America, women had to grow food, sew clothes, and do many other things that I don't do. It never occurred to me to feel like I should sew my family's clothes or grow all of our food. I pay someone else to do that.

And now, I pay someone else to handle the deep cleaning of my house. I'd rather take my kids to the park thank-you-very-much.

Long johns

2011-04-30T20:23:00.002-05:00

I'm writing a post about long johns. Yep, long johns. I wish that I had known about long johns earlier in life. I would have been much warmer walking 15 minutes across campus at 7 am in the winter. I've learned that most people in my generation don't know about long johns. Why would we? We live in heated homes and drive everywhere.

When we lived in Florida, we did not pay utility bills because we lived on base. When we moved to Virginia in February of last year, we got a $150 electric bill for half a month.

Then we learned about long johns. Our house is all electric so electricity and water/sewer/sanitation are the only utility bills we have. After that first bill, our monthly electric bills have been $80-$180. I do a lot of laundry, including diapers, and hang it when weather permits because my dryer is expensive to run.

Electricity is an expense that I try to minimize.

We kept our thermostat at 55-58 degrees Fahrenheit all winter this past winter. We all wore long johns and we were not cold. My long johns fit just fine under snug jeans. Jockey makes fabulously thin and comfy long johns. I have two pairs of these. I know sometimes women cringe at the thought of long johns, and I think it's because they don't know that long johns don't have to be bulky and uncomfortable. Long johns for men and kids seem to be less unappealing so I won't list what we have for everybody else.

Another big reason I choose to keep our thermostat at as close to outside temperature as we can comfortably tolerate is that it's really annoying to spend 30 minutes dressing two toddlers to go play outside for 30 minutes. With our long johns on, all we had to do was throw on coats, hats, and mittens and we were ready to go outside. We didn't play outside for very long stretches due to the cold, and I'm not sure I would have taken the kids out at all if dressing and undressing was any more of a hassle. Besides, 35 degrees doesn't seem as cold if you are coming from a 55 degree house.

I have a theory about keeping the house cooler and preventing illness. My kids weren't sick all winter. Really. They didn't get sick. I got a couple colds that Ryan brought home from work, but the kids did not. We did all get a mild stomach bug at the beginning of spring, though. By mild, I mean that it did not disrupt daily life, other than that I mostly kept us home to avoid spreading it. So that was it. I really think that the house being cooler helped to prevent illness. That and I made sure our vitamin D levels did not get low. We did get sick a lot last summer so it's not like we are immune to illness.

So that's my story about long johns. Consider wearing them if you visit my house in the winter. =)

I am glad that spring is here and long johns are gone for now!

Their needs, your needs

2011-04-24T20:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we get so absorbed in meeting our children's needs that we neglect our own. Sometimes we expect our children to be in a developmental place that they are not, and so we are frustrated that they are not meeting our expectations. I think it's important for us to have a good understanding of child development, and to really know our individual children. This helps us to know what their needs are.

Our culture certainly has a skewed view of how a newborn baby should behave. A common expectation is that newborns need to eat every 2-3 hours for about 20 minutes at a time, and in between feedings, they will sleep happily in a crib. This is indeed true for some babies, but not vary many. Most newborn babies have instincts that tell them to wake up and cry if they are not in someone's arms. There is a very practical reason for this: protection! Our babies might not be in danger of being eaten by bears, but our ancestors' certainly were. Babies who were held survived and passed on their genes, so you could say that the need to be held is genetic.

So hold your new baby 24/7 - what's the big deal? The big deal is that most new mothers today are alone many hours per day. How can a new mother care for herself, hold and nurse her baby 24/7, possibly care for other children, and accomplish the most basic of household tasks?

The first thing we need to do is understand the baby's needs: to be nursed and held nearly constantly night and day. This isn't just your baby or my baby, but most babies. A baby who wakes most times he is put down does not have an incompetent mother. He is just a normal baby. Babies will sleep more deeply gradually as they get older, so the constant holding is not forever.

So how do we deal with the right now? Sometimes, other family can pitch in, if they understand the needs of the mother and baby. So often they do not and they become a burden to the new mother. Family members and friends can help with meals, housework, holding the baby when the mother needs them to, etc.

Sometimes the mother has to learn to manage with minimal help. She can go to breastfeeding support meetings, learn to use a sling, and just generally be creative in finding ways to put her baby down. The mother's needs are important, too, and since most new mothers do not have a support system set up to help them meet their needs and their baby's needs, they have to find other ways to cope. The first key to coping is understanding the baby's needs and understanding that it is temporary. Sometimes this is all we need to cope, because we have supportive family or other means.

Sometimes we can understand the baby's needs, but be unable to meet both our own and our baby's. This is when we have to be really creative! What can we substitute for a pair of arms once in a while?

Those of us who have at least one child understand the situation of having a new baby, and the challenge of meeting their needs and our needs.

The challenge of meeting their needs and our needs continues as long as they are children. The needs for constant holding and nursing gradually diminishes and is replaced by other things. Sometimes I think we get stuck in one phase of development, or jump too far ahead, and disharmony results.

Is my toddler nursing all night every night, and I'm unable to function during the day? My toddler may still need to nurse, but my toddler does not need to nurse all night long every night. My toddler may need to sleep in the same bed or room with me, but soothing can be done in other ways if the constant nursing is exhausting me.

Am I expecting my preschooler to always respond to my words, without me taking any action to direct him? My preschooler can communicate well with words and may even be learning to read, but he can't be expected to control his impulses all the time, or to perfectly communicate with words. He's not ignoring me - I'm expecting something of him that he can't do.

Am I expecting my children to be the leaders of the family? Asking them questions of what they want to do, where they want to go, what they want to eat, and getting frustrated? Do I understand that parents are the natural leaders of their children, and young children usually don't need to be asked a lot of questions?

I think that so many parenting challenges can be solved him simply understanding the child's real needs and developmental capabilities. For those times when we understand but can't manage their needs and ours, we have to think outside the box and find creative ways. I imagine our ancestors with the problem of babies needing to be held and mothers needing to work: voila! the sling. So maybe for us, it is letting go of house work (or hiring a cleaning lady), or learning how to prepare simpler meals, or not engaging in frustrating conversations with our young children by simply communicating less verbally, or changing our rhythm, or any number of other creative things.

Rhythm

2011-04-19T20:33:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned before that I read The Parenting Passageway blog, which I came across about 6 months ago when I heard the author speak at a La Leche League conference. One of the author's main topics is rhythm. Rhythm is something that many people naturally fall into - a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly routine that balances active times and rest times while accomplishing necessary tasks. I suppose it is a more flexible way to think about the term "schedule," with care taken to balance activity with rest. "Schedule" has such a negative connotation in the Attachment Parenting community and I had never heard of this idea of "rhythm" before. I have found it quite helpful, especially with two young ones.

So for the past 6 months, my kids have had the same bed and nap times each day. I had difficulty with Gabe's naps when he was a toddler, and I'm sure that it is because I was not diligent about keeping nap time at the same time. Sometimes I would try to implement a set nap time, but it never seemed to work for me. Irregular nap times did not work for us either. Susanna naps from 12:30-1:30 every day, give or take 30 minutes on each side. Most days, she nurses to sleep within 10 minutes, or if I have planned for us to be in the car for her nap, she falls easily to sleep in the car. This is so much better than the struggles that I had with Gabe's naps! I have also made sure that she gets 11-12 hours of sleep per night so that the majority of her sleep occurs at night time. It is just easier for me this way. As a toddler, Gabe got a good chunk of his sleep during the day and I did not like that. Gabe sleeps 10 hours per night now, and his bed time is the same time each night, too. I realize this is not some cutting edge idea - having the same sleep times each day - but it has been immensely helpful to us to make set sleep times a priority.

I have also been getting meals on the table at the same time each day for the past 6 months. Again, this is something I sort of halfheartedly attempted before, but I failed as often as I succeeded. Somehow, reading the posts on rhythm at The Parenting Passageway helped motivate me to just do it and believe that it would work for us.

I have always liked to have a plan of the week each week, and again, reading about rhythm motivated me to put the effort into making plans that would work best for us, and not making the mistake (and it was always a mistake) of cutting into nap time. Our weekly outings are more flexible than sleep and meal times, but generally, we go out from 10:00 am to 12:30 pm (which means nap is in the car and that works), or we occasionally go out in the late afternoon. We always go out on Monday and Wednesday mornings and the other days vary more from week to week. Starting later this week, we will begin having our weekly berry picking day throughout strawberry and then blueberry season! We've done that for years every summer.

Just recently, I have put a 20 minute morning walk - the kind where I walk fast and the kids sit in the stroller - into our rhythm. It hasn't fit in super smoothly yet, but I'll give it 40 days to truly become a part of our everyday routine.

I've consciously used the idea of rhythm in other ways, too, but those are the big ways. Ryan's schedule is totally erratic and we find out the next day's work schedule less than 24 hours in advance, so it helps for the rest of the family to have some semblance of routine. I see it as a way to organize life so that there is predictability and I'm not always putting so much energy into what-are-we-doing-next, because that is already taken care of. My limited brain space can be used for other things.

There are always the days when I get a million breastfeeding help calls in a row, or someone is sick, or we decide on a full day outing and nap happens in the stroller, but those days are not most days. Most days are not chaotic, and do follow our rhythm fairly well, which I think is what helps me cope with the inevitable that-was-not-part-of-the-plan things.

Coming out on the other side

2011-04-14T21:47:00.000-05:00

I feel like we've finally come out on the other side of our recent challenges. I can't exactly pinpoint what said challenges were, but what was happening was that the kids were fighting a lot. As usual, it really was all about me. Somehow, I caused it and I fixed. Or it happened and I facilitated it. Whatever.

I keep thinking of Gabe as being four, even though his birthday is over 2 months away. I've heard many moms say that 3 is a challenging age, and I think so, too. Maybe it won't be with Susanna. Everything seems easier with her. I suppose most things are easier the second time around. Except potty training. More on that later. Gabe seems like he has grown up so much recently. We went on our first bike ride together a couple days ago. You know, a bike ride where I ride my bike, too. Susanna is content to be in the baby bike seat all day. Gabe often talks about getting "a bike with pedals." He's gotten pretty fast on his balance bike.

If he's not riding his bike, he is asking me to read to him, asking me or telling me how to spell words, saying the letters and letter sounds, or counting. Sometimes adding and subtracting but we usually need blocks or fingers for that. He likes to know how old he will be when Susanna is 6, 7, 10, whatever, or how old I will be when he is 10, 12, whatever. He asks if I've "already been 10" or "110." One hundred ten is as far as I made our number chart go, because I got tired of writing numbers. I've never taught anyone to read before. It is fun to see how he thinks about things. He almost always knows what sound a letter makes if asked and can sound out the letter sounds in simple words, but he still can't figure out what the words are. He makes all the letter sounds, as in c-a-t, but it doesn't click that c-a-t is cat. I realized today that this might be because he doesn't know exactly how to say some words. I noticed this at bed time when he was going on about words that begin with "ch" and then also added in some words that begin with "tr."

My girl sleeps snuggled in my arm pit. She says "happy" a lot and I think she sort of knows what it means, or at least knows how to use it to get whatever it is she wants, usually to be held by me. She is her Mommy's little girl. She got her diapers back, which she was most definitely "happy" about. I waited too long to start her on the potty and she is toilet phobic.

She is growing up so fast. When she wakes up in the morning or after nap, the first thing she usually says is, "Dabe!" That means, "Where is Gabe?" She likes her brother. And he likes her, too. She was crying while I was showering tonight and Gabe came into the bathroom to tell me that Susanna is crying (outside the shower door). I said I know that, and he said, "but she really wants you."

We planted our garden, which is mostly an experiment to watch things grow and the food we get is a bonus. I like to plant things that worked well in the past, with a new thing or two.

Ryan works a lot. Good thing he likes his job. He'll be deploying right before Gabe's birthday. I'm so glad that I've had so long to get used to motherhood before having to deal with a deployment. I think we'll be all right.

I'm not really teaching Birth to Baby classes, as I'd hoped. It's because I don't have time. I'm committed to taking the IBCLC exam this year and am also taking the ICEA exam. Just for kicks and giggles I suppose. I sort of see it as long term preparation for midwifery. And it's helpful in the "work" I do in talking to moms about birth and breastfeeding. I've taken a hiatus from reading birth and breastfeeding stuff and am now studying world history. Because? Because Ryan's area of interest is history and I have a hole in my education in history (except the history that relates to birth and breastfeeding of course!), so we do it together and I ask him questions. It's fun. Then when he is deployed I will watch history lectures (The Great Courses are really cool, especially the ones at the library) and think about him. Romantic, eh?

I love spring.

More on attachment

2011-04-09T21:06:00.000-05:00

"The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others." -Attachment Parenting International

Children who completely lack attachment to parents (or other caregivers) may develop Reactive Attachment Disorder. If you've ever spent time with orphans, as I have, you know this.

Given this fact, I'm completely blown away by the fact that so many people do not understand that the most important thing for normal child development is attachment.

A quick Google search for "Christian parenting" yields several websites claiming that obedience is the most desired trait in children. So you want them to be obedient until they are 18 and then critical thinkers after that? It is certainly possible to find Christian attachment parenting advice, but it is the exception rather than the norm. Some of these self-proclaimed "Christian" parenting experts advocate hitting (spanking) children and requiring them to hide their emotions. These people advocate detached, disconnected relationships between children and parents. Children raised in this way will find somewhere else to put their love, probably in their peers. I put "Christian" in quotes because any mentally well person who has read the Bible will understand that Jesus Christ would never behave in such an abhorrent way toward children or anyone else. If in doubt, ask, "What would Jesus do?" Would he hit a child? Would he tell a child to stop crying because crying makes him uncomfortable?

I bring this up because Christianity is the dominant religion in the US and many parents go to Christian sources for parenting support. Many young American parents were raised in disconnected homes, without a strong relationship with their parents. Sometimes this leads them to subsitute the missing parent-child relationship with a relationship with the God of the Bible. This can lead them to be compassionate and empathetic like Jesus. It can also lead them to be hard and detached, as their parents were and as they perceive God to be. It is especially tricky when people use "God said so" as a reason for refusing to emotionally connect to their children as human beings. Of course, God did not say so, but that is a fruitless argument. People who use that argument are deeply wounded.

I have hope that enough people in my generation will raise our children and ourselves with love, empathy, and compassion to heal the world.

So often when I see people outside of my circle of friends, I think, "That is exactly what I do not want for my family, or the people my children interact with." Take that as criticism of our society if you want. It is. I'm not placing blame, but I'm not pretending the problem doesn't exist either.

If you are thinking that I think that the world's problems stem from lack of parent-child attachment, you are right. I do think that. I think that human beings are by nature social beings and if we lack attachment to our parents, we have much, much trouble orienting ourselves, sometimes for the rest of our lives. We have to live in relationship to each other. Children learn about healthy relationships with other people within the context of secure attachment relationships with their parents (and perhaps other caregivers, depending on the family's life style).

I have seen first hand an entire community of people whose severe poverty and lack of normal development stemmed from detachment, in my opinion. I used to work with teens in that community, and after Gabe was born and he came with me, it hit me that there was nothing I could do to make up for what these people had lost. I understood what happened. Today, I think I could do a better job with those teens, but my opportunity has passed.

Think about world politics, war, betrayal. Think of a person in history whom you hate or admire. Find out about their childhood. Keep doing that for many, many people. You will find that those who brought tyranny on others were not attachment parented. This isn't a coincidence.

Let me reiterate that parent-child attachment is not about perfection, or about your child never crying. Sometimes life is messy, but when parent-child (and other important caregiver-child) relationships are maintained and securely attached, the child will be just fine. I did not say perfect. Innately good, yes, perfect, never.

As you can see, attachment is not about what diapers you use, what food you eat, how much you recycle, how you approach schooling, the list could go on. It is much more important than all of that. It is about each human being's first and most life shaping relationship.

As children become adults, attachment is about each human being's relationship to every other human being, and ultimately, to the world.

What is Attachment Parenting?

2011-04-04T21:28:00.000-05:00

What is Attachment Parenting?

After a slew of articles and conversations regarding what Attachment Parenting really is, I felt inspired to define the heart of what it really means.

I don't need to come up with anything original here. Quoting from Attachment Parenting International (API):

The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection...The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children.

API goes on in their definition, but I don't think that is strictly necessary. I do think it is necessary to add two things: 1) parents need a real understanding of infant and child development, and 2) parents must want to learn to know and meet their children's needs.

That is really all there is. The rest is just fluff. Helpful fluff, but fluff nonetheless. API lists 8 principles of Attachment Parenting:
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent and Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

Dr. William Sears coined the term Attachment Parenting, based off of John Bowlby's research on Attachment Theory. Dr. Sears has what he calls the "7 Baby B's" of Attachment Parenting. Again, fluff, but helpful fluff.
Birth Bonding
Breastfeeding
Babywearing
Bedding Close to Baby
Belief in the Language Value of your Baby's Cry
Beware of Baby Trainers
Balance

I have been asked before, "What is Attachment Parenting?" and I have answered by listing some of the fluffy things. That is not the heart of it. It is not about lists. It is about, "forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children." This entails an understanding and respect of your children's needs.

Attachment Parenting is not a club and you don't have to make your own deodorant to hang out with us. We really are about making the world a better place through the relationships we have with our children and community.

When parents truly listen to their instincts and their children, they develop a working understanding of their children and how to interact with them. Attachment Parents are not all the same. Families are not all the same. You can "do" some of the "Baby B's" and lack attachment with your child. Your baby can be bottle fed and sleep in a crib and you can still be an Attachment Parent. For the older child, attachment parenting is not about permissive parenting, or lack of discipline. Children are not getting their needs met in a permissive environment OR an authoritarian environment. Families vary in the amount and types of structure they create. Attachment Parenting is about the relationship. Attachment Parenting is about leadership and listening. Attachment Parenting has much in common with servant leadership.

For in depth information on why attachment is crucial to normal child development, and subsequently the health of society, read Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers.

Pam Leo puts it well, "How we treat the child, the child will treat the world."

P.S. Attachment Parenting is not about being perfect. But it is about a commitment to doing the best we can and learning from our experiences.

Reading: better late than early?

2011-03-24T20:49:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my previous post that I learned to read when I was 10. That's not entirely true, and I thought I should clarify. A more correct statement would be that I started reading when I was 10, or that I demonstrated that I was capable of reading when I was 10.

I don't have any memory of the process by which I learned to read. I remember being read to a lot as a child and I remember memorizing books. I remember playing with magnetic letters. I remember wanting to know how to read. I remember entering 4th grade public school when I was 10 and fitting right in with the class academically. I remember reading aloud in class and sounding out words when I got stuck. I don't recall getting stuck more than anyone else.

So it appears that I probably knew how to read prior to entering school. Maybe I didn't know I knew how to read. I don't really know.

My experience of starting to read when I was 10 is far different than being exposed to reading for the first time at the age of 10.

My mom came over tonight and seeing the letter and number charts in the dining room, commented to Gabe that isn't he too young to be learning letters and numbers? To which he replied that he can say them all by himself. She saw the book on phonics that I got from the library and assumed that I was rigidly forcing Gabe to learn phonics. I checked out the book on teaching reading because I thought it might be helpful, considering I have no memory of how I learned to read. It is helpful. It's not rocket science or anything, but I figured why reinvent the wheel?

My mom then told me that she tried to teach me phonics when I was 3, but that I wasn't very interested and did not start reading. Since I did not seem interested, she did not continue to teach me, outside of reading to me. She studied the idea of delayed reading and concluded that it is better for children to learn to read when they are older.

I began learning to read when I was a toddler. I demonstrated that I could read when I was 10.

These back-and-forth debates about the proper timing for learning to talk, read, and use the toilet are beginning to annoy me. The point is being missed. When children are exposed to talking, reading, and toileting, they will pick up the skills eventually. In the grand scheme of things, it probably doesn't matter a whole lot if children are taught these skills directly by instruction or indirectly by modeling only.

Of course children should not be coerced, punished, or tested. When 18 month old Susanna pees on the floor, we simply tell her that pee goes in the potty and then we clean up the mess. This is directly teaching her to use the potty. This will not damage her.

When I am talking to Gabe about phonics or numbers, I don't drill him. I mostly just tell him facts and don't really expect him to repeat them back at that time. He often soaks in the information and repeats it back later. This will not damage him. We've all heard our kids repeat things we've said that we'd rather them not have! They are listening to us all the time.

I also take a fairly active role in teaching my children to speak. (For example, I correct their grammar and pronunciation.) This also doesn't damage them. Gabe was an "early" talker and Susanna is an "early" talker. The fact that they are early talkers means nothing, except that they are good at communicating in the present moment. Some children talk later, even if their parents actively teach them. That is perfectly okay and means nothing of significance. But they are learning! Even if you don't see that they are learning, they are. Many parents report that their children "just started" talking (or reading, or using the toilet) one day. They had been learning all along. We don't always get the instant gratification of immediately seeing our kids regurgitate back a skill we taught them.

If I didn't want to, or couldn't due to life circumstances or other factors, directly teach my kids to talk, read, and use the toilet, they would be just fine. They would learn those skills.

It would be detrimental if my children were not exposed to talking, reading, or toileting via modeling.

It would be detrimental if I expected a specific outcome at a specific time for my teaching efforts.

It's not better to read late. It's not better to read early. It's better to enjoy life, which might or might not include directly teaching your preschooler to read.

More thoughts on education, life, potty training

2011-03-23T21:20:00.001-05:00

After doing some more reading, talking, and thinking, I really can't imagine sending Gabe to school. He is signed up for preschool for September and I'll keep the option open, but I am basically planning for him not to go. Luckily, we have a couple months after Ryan deploys before preschool starts, so if I really need him to go because I can't manage at home, then the option is there. He is very attached to his Daddy and his behavior deteriorates rapidly when Ryan is gone. Just tonight at bed time he said that he wants Daddy to go to sleep with him instead of me. Today was one of those days he didn't get to see Daddy. Those days are happening more and more, so the kids and I have to function as a unit of our own and just welcome Daddy as a guest when he is here, rather than a regular part of our routine.

I recently read The Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home, which is what made me realize, or rather remember, that I always planned to homeschool because my "thing" is academics and teaching. It seems silly to send my kids to school when the education I can provide for them is far superior than what is available in public school. It makes sense to give them the opportunity to learn skills that I don't have from other people. But reading, writing, and arithmetic?!

I'm absorbing so much from reading about different education philosophies. I really like the classical model of education presented in The Well-Trained Mind. The take home message I got from the book is that if you are proficient in reading, writing, and math, you are prepared to do anything. I tend to agree, based on my own educational experience.

I certainly don't think that hard academic skills are more important than emotional development. Classical education is focused only on academics and assumes that emotional development is being taken care of implicitly. Or that's how I think about it anyway. I know that it's possible to push academics at the expense of everything else and I can see how classical education could be interpreted to encourage that. I like that the Waldorf philosophy is a whole-child philosophy. Waldorf breaks down for me in its methods. For example, I'm not interested in learning how to knit, which is part of the Waldorf curriculum. So I will keep the Waldorf philosophy of holistic education, integrating mind and spirit, but most of the specific methods are not for me. The method of classical education appeals to me much more, as far as pure academics are concerned.

Another thing I realized while reading The Well-Trained Mind is that being educated in the world's religions is very important. Religion is such a big part of history and culture. I want my kids get their basic understanding of world religions from their parents, so that they are equipped to deal with the subject when it comes up later. I feel the same way about history and science. I want to pass on a particular way of thinking that is not taught in schools, specifically, I want my kids to truly understand that humans don't know everything.

Although the Montessori preschool didn't work out, I picked up some Montessori ideas I liked along the way. Gabe came home willing to dress himself and wash his hands! I got some ideas for toys from some of the things they had in the classroom. I was in need of a stash of non-messy things Gabe could do alone. Now we have that.

Having been unschooled myself, I have taken away some great ideas from that philosophy. I learned to read when I was 10. When I was 12, I got the award for best English student in my grade. However, because the world is so complex and there are so many possibilities, I am going to go ahead and take the lead in my kids' education.

Education is a journey, not a destination for sure. It doesn't really matter at what age kids learn to read. They should learn to read when they want to. I'm teaching Gabe phonics, counting, and addition/subtraction right now. I've started to read him a chapter book. The second I realize he is no longer interested in something, or is getting frustrated, I quickly change gears, and I don't repeat the experience! I watch closely for the slightest hint of frustration so that I don't go there. There is nothing more discouraging than frustration, especially at the age of 3!

My kids will know that our family is blessed to have the privilege of education and the ability to choose how we educate ourselves. I will not force them to learn, or in other words, teach them that education is some unpleasant chore that they must do. That would be missing the entire purpose of education.

I want them to always appreciate and take responsibility for the privilege that they have, growing up with a sense of duty to serve the world that has given so much to them.

In other news, I'm potty training Susanna. I completely understand that she will learn to use the toilet even if I don't potty train her, probably by the time she is 4. However, I dislike diapers and so I take the lead in potty training. I believe there is a window for potty training, at least for my kids. She's 18 months and I felt that I would lose the window and have to wait if I didn't just do it. Since I did not really practice elimination communication with her (as I did with Gabe), other than to change her when she peed or pooped right away, she was not accustomed to using the potty. I took the diapers away cold turkey and it was 5 days before she peed on the potty! Thanks to On Your Potty, Little Rabbit, I have hope that she will get it.

Overall, I think that part of our problem that led me to consider preschool was boredom. I was bored and the kids were bored. I enjoy teaching and Gabe enjoys learning. He was up an hour past his bed time asking me to spell things last night, and the first thing he did upon waking was go to the dining room where we put up letter and number charts and ask to "do our counting." We have a working rhythm, don't worry, and free play is still the majority of my kids' day.

Big thanks to my friends who have been chatting with me about this stuff! You rock. =)

School - changing our course, Part 2

2011-03-15T20:37:00.002-05:00

Preschool didn't work out. I know why. It has nothing to do with Gabe not wanting to separate from me.

He was okay the first week and said that he wanted to go back. The second week he would not go. He cried when we got there. He was scared. We went home.

I tried to talk him into going, reassuring him that the teachers would take care of him. No way.

I don't think anything in particular happened to cause him to refuse to go. He would have gone if I could have stayed there with him, which I can't do because bringing Susanna into a preschool classroom is disruptive. If I went with him for several days or weeks, I think he would be okay to go without me. I was hoping that our visit would be enough, but I guess not.

I think that my kids' natural distrust of people who are not connected to us is a good thing. I'm not going to mess that up. I thought maybe he was old enough for me to just tell him that so-and-so-that-we-just-met would take care of him in my absence, but he's not.

Having worked in institutional settings with children ages infant to 18 years for five years in high school and college, I know that it is standard practice for parents to quickly drop their kids off to the caregivers and sneak away. Feeling abandoned, the child cries for a while and eventually "adjusts." The same thing happens nightly in many homes. The child is left alone to cry to sleep.

We don't do that.

It might seem easy now, to let them cry it out at night or at daycare, but it will backfire when they are teenagers. Dr. Gordon Neufeld, author of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers has it just right: attachment is the foundation for the child-parent relationship. When there is an attachment void, such as when a child experiences parental abandonment, that void will be filled by something, probably peers since most kids spend the majority of time with other kids. What happens when kids raise each other? Walk into any middle or high school today and check it out. The results are especially stunning in inner cities, where children have often times never attached to an adult. While seeing this first hand in some of the kids I worked with was difficult to deal with, it was also such a blessing to my family. I really know what happens when attachment doesn't happen.

Parents abandon children to cribs and strangers because they don't realize that children have real feelings. In most cases, it is clear to the parent that the child is physically safe. This is not necessarily clear to the child. The child may feel scared and quite unsafe. I would never abandon my scared child unless it were a dire emergency. And I know when my children are scared. They have different whines, different cries, that mean different things. I know this because I am their mother and I am with them nearly 24/7.

The way Gabe was crying when we went to preschool was not like a child might cry because he doesn't want to leave the playground. If I forced him to "adjust" and get over it, there would be permanent consequences.

So the problem is not preschool, per se, but rather that Gabe does not know and trust the grown ups in charge at this preschool at this time. I have him signed up for a different preschool for the fall. This other preschool is within walking distance from my house and is at a church. We are planning to attend the church and meet the teachers well before fall.

I want preschool to work, for the reasons listed in my previous post. I know that Gabe doesn't need preschool for "socialization" or "learning to stand in line" or whatever. I just want some time at home without him, but he has to be safe and happy wherever he is. I think it could also help fill the void of Ryan being gone when he deploys this summer, if it is something he likes.

I don't have my hopes up that the other preschool will work, but I'm going to do everything that I can to make it work. As a back up plan, I'll probably sign up for a homeschool co-op, too. Homeschool co-op was my original plan for next fall when he is 4, but that is only once a week and I can't leave him there. It doesn't really fill my need. Single parenting is tough, even if it's only temporary.

Oh, I'm so glad spring is here!

Operation Make Back Yard Fun, Part II

2011-02-19T20:43:00.001-06:00

Operation Make Back Yard Fun is an on going project. Ryan got home yesterday.

And today, we put him to work! We now have a sand box.

The magnolia tree branches are Gabe's "jungle." The branches fell off our front yard tree in a snow storm.

We finally moved our picnic table outside. I'm really starting to like our back yard.

The kids still play with bird seed in the water table. That was a good idea I got from a friend. But, I learned that it's not so great if it gets tipped over and not cleaned up...think dozens of birds in my yard for extended periods of time. Yuck.

I am not looking forward to the mosquitoes that warm weather will bring. Our yard is the most awful mosquito pit I have ever been in. I don't know what to do about it. I have an open invitation for bats to inhabit my nice bat house, but so far, no luck.

Our Christmas tree is thriving on our back porch. We're doing an experiment to see how long it will last.

The owner of our house is going to put a fence up for us. I want Gabe to feel safe playing outside while I am inside. I can see the sand box from inside most of my house. Dogs occasionally run into our yard, terrifying my kids. A fence will solve that.

I really love our house. It is so great for small children.

That baby is talking up a storm! She's at the point now where she can pretty much say any one word, or short phrase that is one word in her mind. She occasionally says, "more" and then another word, but that's her only two word phrase so far. Talking is so much fun! She's a later talker than Gabe so I'm happy to finally hear her talk! She turned 17 months old today.

School - changing our course

2011-02-16T20:34:00.000-06:00

Gabe is starting school in two weeks. This is probably quite a surprise to those who know me well!

I made this decision quickly. My life story seems to be that I have a well thought out plan, and then one day at yoga, I completely change it. I like to think I'm just flexible, bending to meet the opportunities of this ever changing thing we call Life.

Gabe will be going to a Montessori school 3 mornings per week. The idea of school first came about as a desperate solution to rescue Susanna from her big brother and maybe save my sanity. Ryan was on a short deployment and I discovered that I really can't manage everything and completely meet the needs of a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old 24/7. And I don't have to. Gabe easily separates from me to be in the care of another adult whom I have told him will take care of him. I've spent the past week trying to rationalize that sending Gabe to preschool 12 hours per week won't damage him for life.

What I've discovered is that it won't. It will probably be a positive experience for the whole family. (And if it's not, we simply change course again.) One year olds and three year olds have different, and very intense, needs and it is difficult for one parent to meet all those needs plus manage a house hold plus pursue her own work after the children are asleep. Ryan will be gone for most of the rest of this year.

The school Gabe will be attending is basically a safe place for him to play. The things they have there for the children to do are things that he enjoys. After visiting the school, he said, "Mommy, I really, really liked the school." We made a calendar together and colored the days he will be in school blue.

He keeps saying that he wants a "boy teacher." He needs more boys and men in his life. Being with his mother, baby sister, grandmother, mother's friends, and other babies all the time is not meeting his needs anymore. His environment is making him aggressive towards the babies. There is not a male preschool teacher at his school (do those exist?!), but there is a martial arts class taught by a male instructor that is offered at the school once a week during the time he will be there. I'm planning to enroll him in that.

What I've learned during this process is that my kids' options for learning are not 1) go to school, or 2) be homeschooled. As more parents seek out alternatives to public school, more options become available. Part-time Montessori preschool may work for us for the next few months. After that, I don't know. We have a lot of options.

Money will be a consideration as my kids get older and as we have more kids. I'm not planning to have another baby until Susanna is 4. But you see the trend in what happens when I make plans, so don't hold your breath. I was just trying to figure out what to do with some extra money before I decided to send Gabe to school. Funny how those things work out. Money is seldom talked about (is it bad manners?). We have no debt (because we don't own a house) and we save 20% of our income. I set it at that somewhat randomly. I have no idea if that's "enough." I suppose I should figure that out because it is very important to me to teach my kids prudent money management. It's one of those basics of life like wiping your butt that everybody should know.

So that's where we are. I don't see the decision to send Gabe to preschool as a defeat, or as failure as a parent, or as a sub par substitute for a Daddy who will be deployed. I see it as a solution that has taught us important things about the ebb and flow of Life.

Or maybe I'm just an excessively positive person who turns nearly everything into a positive?! Ryan says that's why he married me. Because he knew I could take care of everything myself. I never believed him until I had to.

I'm looking forward to having to get up at 6 am in the morning, taking Gabe to school, and then spending the morning prepping food, re-arranging play spaces, hanging laundry, or just sitting outside without hearing screaming every 30 seconds. I'm hoping to have one morning per week with just Gabe, and leave Susanna with a friend. The other morning has been a play at the park or indoor play area with friends for the past several months, so we'll keep that! Ahhh, peace.

Fighting for the rights of mothers, babies, and midwives

2011-02-05T20:34:00.005-06:00

Yesterday, some friends, the kids, and I drove 2 hours to Richmond to attend a Board of Medicine Workgroup meeting on medications and midwifery. We are trying to convince the Board of Medicine to lift the prohibition against midwives carrying certain medications, which they are trained to administer. Confused? Me, too.

Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs) were granted licensure in Virginia in 2005. However, they are prohibited from carrying certain routine and emergency medications, including Pitocin for postpartum hemorrhage, oxygen, local anesthetic for sutures, vitamin K for newborns, Rho-Gam for mothers who are Rh negative, etc. Another mother told me this shortly after we moved here last year, and I really didn't believe her. I thought she had to be confused.

The maternity care system in this country never ceases to amaze me.

I acknowledge that we have come a long way in the last 50 years. The history of obstetrics is pretty atrocious. No matter how long I think about it, I can't figure out how this happened and why people are so afraid of birth. The fear is part of a larger problem within our culture.

I attended some hearings in Georgia on licensing midwives 4 years ago. To my knowledge, they haven't gotten anywhere since then. I had an idea of the type of people we would be dealing with at the Board of Medicine meeting.

Old white men with power that they aren't interested in sharing.

Some things never change.

That's not 100% true, but it is true that the opponents of allowing midwives to fully use their training (you know, like to save lives, like mine, will talk about that later) are old people who just don't care. They have no personal interest in midwifery. The outcome of this debate doesn't matter to them. And then of course there is the ACOG lobbyist who is paid to badmouth midwives and question their character.

I hate politics.

That probably came out in my brief statement that I gave, while the people I was talking to stared at the ceiling, texted, or looked at me blankly. They had a strict rule of 15 minutes for public comments and the room was filled with other mothers who wanted to tell the Board of Medicine to end this prohibition now. I wanted to make eye contact and speak slowly but I didn't have time. I did later make time to breastfeed both my kids in full view of the Workgroup, while making eye contact with as many people as I could. Just for kicks and giggles.

Between my two births, I received both Pitocin and Lidocaine. My friend, Asha, wrote an article about it. This issue directly affects me, and I'm pissed off about it.

Anyway, so in case you care, here is what I had to say to the Board of Medicine. I did not get to stay for the whole meeting and was in and out with my kids, but I heard part of a fantastic presentation by a local midwife. I have faith that she and others working with her will make things happen. I wish I could do more, but I'm so pissed off about it that I can't even talk to the Workgroup in a non-pissed off way. I had to revise my statement several times to get the most offending obstetrician bashing statements out.

I drove from Virginia Beach with my two young children this morning.

There are many other mothers just like me who could not make the 2 hour drive with their children this morning. This is a big issue.

Both of my children were born at home with Certified Professional Midwives in other states.
The Navy moved my family to Virginia last year. I have a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering, and I am currently the full time caregiver of my children.

I am also a volunteer breastfeeding counselor and I have seen firsthand the impact of birth interventions on breastfeeding. I can say conclusively that mothers who plan to give birth at home have higher rates of breastfeeding success and breastfeed for longer than the general population. Of course I can’t prove that since those kinds of statistics are unavailable, given the political climate surrounding midwifery in many places. Home birth with a CPM has many other positive effects on families who choose that option.

My husband and I anticipate having another child while living in Virginia and plan to again hire a CPM, although since my husband is active duty military, we must pay thousands of dollars out of pocket for each home birth. We are willing to do this.

I am not willing to take on the risks associated with hospital birth, such as a 1 in 3 risk of having a c-section, among many others.

For the health and safety of mothers and babies in VA, OBs and CPMs need to work together collaboratively. CPMs are experts on normal, low risk birth. Obstetricians are experts in high risk maternity care. One is not better, or above, the other. OBs and CPMs simply have different specialties.

Most OBs have never seen a home birth and have seen few to no truly undisturbed, intervention free births. Therefore, many OB managed births in hospitals do suddenly become emergencies. Birth in the home with CPMs is vastly different, and medications are rarely needed. But, CPMs and mothers like me deserve access to medications for those rare times that we need it.

Certainly, CPMs need to use medications much less often than OBs use cesarean sections, but we don’t make all mothers give birth in the OR because there is a 1 in 3 chance they will end up there anyway.

I have the right to have a qualified birth attendant who is not prohibited from using all of her training. The rights of mothers, babies, and midwives are being stepped on by this prohibition against midwives using certain medications, which they are trained to use.

I think that we are all aware that home birth with a CPM is a perfectly safe option for low risk mothers.
And that regardless of our opinions on birth, it is not your job or mine to choose for mothers where or with whom they give birth.

I think we all know that CPMs are trained to use certain medications. And that they are skilled at recognizing, managing, and sometimes referring for care various complications.

In fact, I didn’t believe it the first time someone told me that CPMs in VA are prohibited from carrying certain medications. I thought, “What, are the OB’s trying to cripple babies, mothers, and midwives?!”

While the majority of births can happen without the use of any medications, sometimes medications are helpful, or even critical, as my story illustrates.

My labor and birth with my first child proceeded normally, but I hemorrhaged after the birth.
My CPM gave me a shot of Pitocin and the bleeding stopped.

I also had a second degree tear and my CPM administered Lidocaine and then sutured me.
I had no further complications.

Had this birth happened in Virginia, where CPMs are not allowed to carry these medications, I might have needed to transport to a hospital.

Since I did not need to transfer to a hospital, I enjoyed a peaceful bonding experience with my baby and got breastfeeding off to a great start.

The birth of my second child also proceeded normally but again, I had a tear requiring sutures.
My CPM administered Lidocaine and then sutured me.

Again, I was able to enjoy a peaceful bonding experience with my new baby, without the disturbance of transporting to a hospital.

CPMs are qualified and capable of administering these medications and others.

CPMs and OBs must work together – collaboratively - if we are going to improve birth outcomes. This includes allowing CPMs to carry and administer certain medications. My second baby was born in Florida, where CPMs are integrated into the medical system. It was great. My first child was born in a state that was hostile to midwifery – most OBs completely refused to even speak with midwives. This was stressful to me as the mother, even though I did not need the services of an OB.

Mothers and babies in Virginia deserve to have what so many other Americans in other states already do: access to certain medications when they choose the services of a CPM.

Regardless of your personal feelings about home birth, remember that it is not your right or responsibility to choose for me where I should give birth, or to limit the capabilities of my chosen birth attendant.

Gabe

Susanna

"What's a mustache?"

2011-01-30T21:22:00.000-06:00

I'm still laughing about a conversation I had with Gabe 6 hours ago. That means I should tell the whole world about it, right?!

Gabe: "What's a mustache?"
me: "It's like an eyebrow under your nose."
Gabe: "My baby's mommy has a mustache."

In case you are wondering who Gabe's "baby's mommy" is, she is his imaginary wife who is always at "his house." He says he "lives somewhere else" and just visits me. He even made up names for his "baby" and "baby's mommy." I can't pronounce them, let alone spell them.

I'm not sure how the topic of mustaches came up, but it had something to do with Herold the Helicopter, a character from Thomas and Friends. He has become completely enamored with Thomas the Train. He's had the train set for a while but just started reading the books and watching the DVDs. This is how I get him to leave me alone while I get Susanna down for a nap! It is the first thing I have found that he will watch for more than about 5 minutes. It's a cute story. I don't mind.

Finding balance

2011-01-25T21:06:00.000-06:00

Balance can be hard to find sometimes. For as long as I can remember, I've been a person of many passions. There are just so many great things to do in the world.

I rarely feel perfectly balanced, but I don't stray too far out of balance. Right now, I'm feeling like I have too many things to do and more that I want to start! I'm sacrificing sleep a little, but I'm always in bed at least 7 hours. Now, 7 hours may seem like a lot, but remember that I have a nursing toddler. I have dark circles under my eyes because I need to sleep just a tad more. And here I am writing a blog post. When I finish this post, I have something else I will work on before bed.

Some things I do when my kids are sleeping or otherwise occupied, all of which I really enjoy:

Working on the Lactation Consultant Training course from Lactation Education Resources and preparing to take the IBLCE exam in July of this year
Always tweaking my Birth to Baby curriculum, doing a little advertising, and hoping to begin my first group class within a few months
Preparing to take the ICEA exam within a few months
Reading two breastfeeding books
Reading a nutrition book
Reading a deployment book and preparing for Ryan's upcoming 6 month deployment
Reading two parenting books
Breastfeeding counseling via phone and e-mail, and sometimes home visits
Weekly yoga class

Some things that are important to me that I do with my kids, although they aren't necessarily thrilled about it:

Cooking from scratch every day, but it's usually simple!
House keeping every day, but I focus on general order and don't worry about all the details

Some things I hope to make time for soon:

Learn more about Waldorf homeschooling and homeschooling in general
Doula training, although I don't have any intention of attending births on a regular basis right now
Better organize meal planning
Stick to a 10:30 pm bed time for myself!

So balance can be challenging for me! I have days when I think about what life might be like working as an engineer, and then I think, HA! as if I have time for that.

At the end of the day, my perspective on balance is what keeps me centered or not. I live my life by doing what I want to do, not what I have to do. I don't always accomplish things as fast as I would like. Sometimes I decide not to do things that I originally planned to do.

Everyday, I do remember that my precious little ones are growing so fast and right now is the time that I have to snuggle them all day!

Someday I will have this all figured out, perhaps when my children are grown and on their own!

making laundry detergent

rosy cheeks from napping while nursing

I'm not anti-vaccines...

2011-01-12T20:36:00.001-06:00

...any more than I am anti-
artificial human milk,
processed foods,
anti-biotics,
epidurals,
c-sections,
etc.

I am, however, anti-routine vaccines. And anti-routine artificial human milk, processed foods, anti-biotics, epidurals, c-sections, etc.

That doesn't mean that these things are never necessary. It means that they have benefits and risks and should be used consciously and cautiously.

My children and I do not get vaccines at this time. (My husband is government property so he does.) My babies have never been given artificial human milk. My family avoids processed foods. I hope to never need an epidural or a c-section. My kids have never taken anti-biotics. I have, twice that I can think of, and it was a last resort. Anti-biotics have side effects, and before I use them, I make sure that I believe the benefits outweigh the risks.

I can think of situations in which I might use all of those things. But never routinely.

Refusing routine vaccinations is part of my whole-life philosophy. Each family is responsible for making their own informed decisions about vaccines. I respect the right of informed choice for every family. I do not respect the idea that physicians or anyone else have the right to attempt to force others to receive vaccinations. It's especially self-righteous, ignorant, and unprofessional for pediatricians to refuse to see children who are not vaccinated according to the pediatricians' will.

But didn't vaccines save the human race from extinction by infectious diseases?

Not exactly.

Did they play a role in reducing infectious diseases?

Yes. Sort of like hospitals played a role in reducing maternal and infant mortality.

Is that relevant to my life?

Not really.

I'm concerned about keeping my family healthy. That's my responsibility. I'm also concerned about the health of the rest of the world, but I recognize that, while I may influence a small number of people, saving the world is not my responsibility, nor the responsibility of doctors. When we try to bear burdens that are not ours to bear, we play God.

So how do I protect the health of my family?

First, I birth my babies at home, away from the risks associated with hospital birth, which I won't go into here. This facilitates an easy initiation of breastfeeding. I can state this as fact: the vast majority of mothers who birth at home successfully breastfeed their babies. This is not true of hospital birth*. Then I breastfeed on cue for 2 years, and beyond with some mother-imposed limits. I feed my family a primarily whole foods diet, including seasonal produce, pastured animal products, and wild fish. I'm physically with my children most of the time, so that we are exposed to the same germs. Then my body makes anti-bodies for those germs right away and they get them via my milk. Our home life is happy and stable. My kids have a low stress life. I seek out the information I need to be responsible for my family's health care. I know them best.

But isn't my family a danger to society, being un-vaccinated and all?

What if all American children were breastfed for at least 2 years, ate a whole foods diet, had access to their mothers for as long as they needed to nurse often, lived in stable homes, and were not vaccinated? What might the health of America be like?

What might that do to the rates of degenerative diseases, ie, diseases of our time?

Vaccines have risks. If you are naive enough to think otherwise, at least accept that it's not your job to make sure my children and I are vaccinated.

Let's not forget that just 50 years ago, the US maternity care system was in an even more atrocious state than it is in now. Mothers were "knocked out" prior to giving birth and then given a shot to dry up their milk. Yes, that really happened. In our country. In our parents' lifetime. Are we so sophisticated and know it all now? We've got it all figured out? Over 20 vaccines prior to age 2?

Make the world a better place. Support breastfeeding. Support sustainable, ethical farming. Support the rights of individuals to make their own informed choices.

*I'm assuming that the CDC data includes only hospital births because of the politics surrounding home birth in many states. I also know that there is a subset of breastfed American children that doctors rarely, if ever, see, and therefore they would not be included in those statistics. That subset includes my kids. And me as a child, in case you're wondering.

Weaning my babies

2011-01-05T21:24:00.000-06:00

warming up after playing in the snow

I've weaned Gabe down to 3 nursings per day - morning, noon, and night. And by morning, I mean 7 am - any earlier and I say, "It's not morning yet. Go back to sleep." He will wake up earlier and earlier each day to nurse if I let him.

This is a huge milestone for us! He is 3 and a half. He has taken it pretty well. I let him nurse for longer than I did when he was nursing more frequently and he looks forward to there being lots of milk. Sometimes he says that he "saved some" for Susanna. Limiting nursing is much easier at this age than it was earlier because he can understand so much more. I try to make it a positive thing when he asks to nurse between nursing times - "Oh, let's wait for the milk to come back at your bedtime nursing. There will be lots of milk then! There isn't very much right now. It has to fill back up."

Gabe has been more snuggly since I've limited his nursing more. Previously, I told him "no" often but he still managed to nurse frequently during the day. I would let him nurse for just a few seconds at a time. At this point, I think it helps him to have a predictable nursing schedule since he can understand the concept of morning, lunch, and bedtime. There is a rhythm to it.

Susanna just isn't as avid a nurser as Gabe. I don't put any limits on her nursing and don't plan to until she is 2, if at all. She eats a lot of food. I think that she will wean down to just a few nursings per day on her own way before she is 3 and a half. In fact, I'd be surprised if she nurses through my next pregnancy. I could see her stopping and then starting again after baby is born.

Don't worry - I'm not pregnant! Just thinking ahead. I did, however, recently get my cycles back. I thought that I'd be disappointed, but I'm not. It signifies that I don't have a little baby anymore, and if I did get pregnant, it would be okay because my nursling is old enough to subsist mostly on food. My method of birth control is what I call the I'll Just Know Method, meaning that I will just know when I ovulate and be able to avoid getting pregnant. It worked. I knew 2 weeks prior to getting my period back that I was ovulating. Fingers crossed that it continues to work! I plan on getting pregnant in about a year, after Ryan's deployment. I want to continue having kids for another 10 years at least, but I don't want to feel like I'm drowning in always being pregnant or always having a baby under 2.

I'm pleasantly busy with my kids, Waldorf-ish homeschooling, starting Birth to Baby, and taking the 2011 IBCLC exam. I'm welcoming my kids' decreasing needs for my constant presence and not quite ready to be pregnant again!

2010 in review

2010-12-31T22:30:00.000-06:00

For a sort of end-of-the-year celebration, I thought it would be fun to go back and paste short excepts and a picture from each month in 2010.

I am pretty much done with my childbirth education training and am ready to start planning my classes when I have time. I am excited to start teaching but will have to scope out the childbirth scene wherever we move to get a feel for it. I was hoping to take the IBCLC exam in 2011 but I don't think I will make it. -January

Ryan got his wings a couple days ago and we are headed to Norfolk, VA! This was our second choice but we are thrilled. I am excited to live in a bigger area again...I won't be posting for a while because we will be in temporary housing once we get to Norfolk until we find a house to rent. -February (technically Jan 31 but I did not post in Feb)

There are just so many things to do here! Between house projects, parks, the aquarium, FRIENDS(!!!), and cooking, we are pleasantly busy. I have been to 4 breastfeeding support meetings and 1 birth circle meeting. How cool that there are families here who are into what we are into. -March

Ryan has 18 years before he can retire from the military. At which point we will be 43 years old and have a litter of children. I think we may just start our own little organic farm. After 20 years of learning to garden, and hopefully raise chickens for eggs one of these days, we should know a thing or two. And I'll become a midwife. We can be that weird homeschooling family with 9 6 4 kids who live on a farm and the mom is a midwife. -April

I like Mothers' Day because I am absolved of all cooking duties all day. -May

While my classmates were flying around the country interviewing for jobs, I was going to prenatal appointments and planning my home birth. I love my career. -June

There is nothing I would rather do than what I am doing now. -July

I'm not waiting for some magical milestone when Gabe Sleeps in His Big Boy Bed for the First Time. I'm just not that caught up in what our future holds, and even if I was, Gabe sleeping in his own bed isn't really that exciting. Compared to other future plans, like raising chickens. -August

I'm still so thrilled to have a baby girl. She is delightful. All the time. I always think happy thoughts about her...I say everyone starts out perfect and then we grow out of it. -September

Traditional schooling is all about what comes next: preparing for the next grade, preparing for college, preparing for life in corporate America, preparing for retirement, preparing for death. -October

Then one day at yoga, I decided we should have another baby before moving. So we did that. -November

When I was pregnant with Susanna, I decided (probably one day at yoga) that I'd like to teach childbirth classes. Birth to Baby classes are launching in January! -December

January

February

March

April

May

June


July

August

September

October

November

December

Christmas morning chocolate pancakes

2010-12-26T12:43:00.003-06:00

My kids and I love chocolate and it was so fun to surprise Gabe with chocolate pancakes! Ryan makes him (much healthier) pancakes for breakfast normally, so I just put them in front of him as usual. He smiled and said it looks like chocolate cookies. Then he said he would tell Daddy to make chocolate pancakes every morning. I said they only come on Christmas.

Chocolate Pancakes
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
1/4 t baking powder
1/4 t baking soda
1/8 t salt
1/4 c cow's milk
1 egg
2 T melted coconut oil

Combine dry ingredients. Ryan keeps our regular pancake recipe dry ingredients already mixed together in the fridge, so I did this the night before. Add the wet ingredients. Cook like any other pancakes. Top with butter and maple syrup. I made 3 large-ish pancakes.

Christmas morning cinnamon rolls

2010-12-26T12:35:00.002-06:00

This is adapted from a recipe my ex-step mom used to make for Christmas morning. Mine are much better. I reduced the sugar by about 75%. They are in no way healthy but they taste really good, and are fun to make with kiddies.

Rolls
2-1/4 t active dry yeast
1 c cow's milk, warmed to 105-110 F, which is about 1 minute in my microwave
1/4 c sucanat (or other sugar)
1/3 c melted butter
1/2 t salt
2 eggs
4 to 4-1/2 c all purpose flour

Proof the yeast in the warm milk with a pinch of sugar. Mix everything except the flour together. Mix in the flour, until the dough is sticky. Turn onto floured surface and knead about 3-5 minutes. Place in a lightly greased bowl, cover, and let rise until doubled in size. I stuck mine in the fridge overnight and brought it to room temp in the morning before continuing. I put a pot of water I brought to boiling under the bowl and covered it all with a box to bring to room temp. My house is 57 F right now so I have to create the warm place for rising. I usually rise dough in the oven - NOT ON - with a towel over the bowl and a pot of water that I brought to boiling on the stove under it. This keeps it about 85 F and humid, which is what it needs to rise to double in 1-2 hours.

After rising, knead dough again and roll out on a lightly floured surface to about 17 inches by 14 inches. This took me a while because the 3 year old didn't want to share the rolling pin.

Filling
1/2 c sucanat (or brown sugar)
1/3 c cinnamon
1/2 c melted butter, divided 1/4 c and 1/4 c

With a pastry brush or spoon, spread 1/4 c melted butter over the dough. Combine sugar and cinnamon and spread over buttered dough. Carefully and tightly roll up dough, pinching edges to seal. Cut rolled dough into 12 slices.

Coat bottom of 9" x 13" pan with 1/4 c melted butter. Put rolls in pan, evenly spaced. Cover and let rise in 85 F place until double in size, about 30 minutes. See my above note about how I rise my dough.

After rising, bake at 325 F for 20-25 minutes, until very lightly browned on top.

Before rising - they got much bigger!

Icing
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/4 c powdered sugar (or maple syrup)
1 t vanilla extract
1/4 t lemon juice

Beat icing ingredients together until creamy. Mine was not runny enough, so I placed some boiled water under the (steel) bowl I mixed it up in to thin it out.

After baking, spread icing on the rolls and enjoy!

All done!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T23:03:00.004-06:00

After a cozy day at home with my family, it's snowing. My mom and sister are here for Christmas. This morning, we opened our photo books.

My mom always gets the kids Hanna PJs. This pic was taken after bath in the warm bathroom before they put their red wool suits on. We've kept the thermostat at 57 this winter.

They really like frozen blueberries.

Ryan makes pancakes every morning for breakfast. I have oatmeal. For Christmas, I decided to start a new tradition of chocolate pancakes. I surprised Gabe and he was thrilled. Susanna was pretty happy about it, too. We love chocolate. However, I do not recommend feeding children chocolate pancakes if you are wanting them to be on their best behavior.

Later in the morning, Gabe and I made cinnamon rolls. This is a Christmas morning tradition for me.

We played "soccer" in our yard in the afternoon. I needed some exercise to burn off the cinnamon rolls and chocolate pancakes!

They did not eat sugar all day. (And hey, I way reduce the sugar in my baked goods anyway.) We made a fairly normal dinner - beef roast, salads, and oriental sweet potatoes. My mom made the same chocolate cheese cake she made for Thanksgiving this year. I forgot to find a special Christmas dinner blessing. Our regular meal time blessing goes like this,

Give thanks to Mother Earth

Give thanks to Father Sun

Give thanks to the plants in the garden

Where the Mother and the Father are one

Thank you, God, for our food.

I found it in a book a while back and I really like it.

I love snuggly baby naps and the rosy cheeks she wakes up with. This was Christmas Eve.

After the kids went to bed, my mom, sister, Ryan, and I played Scattergories. I had not played in over 3 years! It's a fun game.

I'm so happy with the simple way we do holidays! Peace, contentment, and togetherness.

Milestone: Turning the car seat forward facing

2010-12-23T20:04:00.000-06:00

Today, we turned Gabe's car seat forward facing. He finally hit 40 lb, with clothes. That is the rear facing limit of his Sunshine Kids Radian. The newer ones have a limit of 45 lb, and if I had one of those, I'd keep him rear facing. I don't know if Sunshine Kids changed the car seat or just re-tested the same seat, but I'm comfortable turning him at 3.5 years old. Besides, he was really excited about it. This is from last Christmas. He was 2.5 years old.

Here he is today, obviously not strapped in. Coats usually need to be removed before strapping kids in, unless you can strap them in snugly without the coat and then with the coat without adjusting the straps.

Rear facing is the safest way to travel for children, especially babies under age 2. Gabe doesn't nap anymore, but when he did, it was convenient that his rear facing car seat reclined enough for him to be comfortable without his head slumping.

chocolate cookies

2010-12-21T12:24:00.002-06:00

I told Gabe we were going to make cookies for a cookie exchange, and he said, "Chocolate?!" No gingerbread. "But I want chocolate." My kids and I really, really love chocolate. So we made both.

Chocolate cookies
1 1/4 cup melted coconut oil (I use Nutiva)
1 1/2 cup sucanat (or other sugar)
2 eggs
2 t vanilla
2 c white all purpose flour
3/4 c cocoa
1 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
1 12 oz bag of chocolate chips, optional (I didn't have any but they would be better with it!)

Mix the sugar and wet ingredients. Mix the dry ingredients. Mix it all together. Shape into 24 balls on cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 13 minutes.

Edited to add: I made another batch, with chocolate chips this time! This batch made 30 cookies instead of 24 and I baked them for 11 minutes. Definitely better with the (Ghiradelli) chocolate chips!

5th wedding anniversary

2010-12-18T19:45:00.001-06:00

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary! We've been together for 7 years. We went to see Chronicles of Narnia, followed by dinner at Passion the Restaurant, thanks to Groupon. The crab cakes and chocolate cake were amazing! I think this is the first anniversary we have gone out without kids since 2006. Grandma babysat. When we got home Gabe said, "Mommy, next time you leave I want to come with you."

As you might expect, we had a rather unconventional wedding. We walked down the isle together and wrote the whole ceremony ourselves. Some of the kids we worked with in inner city Atlanta were in the wedding. And like everyone says, the pictures really are the only thing that lasts after the big party (other than the marriage obviously). We have a beautiful album but until this year, no large print anywhere on our wall. I got a Groupon for a 16x20 canvas print, so now this one will be on our wall!

This is my favorite. I think of youthful love every time I look at it. As a marriage grows, that is an important thing to remember!

I am trying to keep the tradition of getting a picture of just Ryan and me next to a Christmas tree for our anniversary every year.

2010


2005

2005

He promised not to smear cake on my face.

Wordless Wednesday: play

2010-12-14T20:50:00.000-06:00

Sunday, it was rainy and warmer.

I love that he is old enough to play in the mud without ending up covered in it!

Then on Monday, it snowed.

She really didn't like the snow. She kept falling.


So she and I went inside, and he threw snowballs at us through the sliding glass door.

Tuesday, we played inside.

He said he was making a nut house.

He made a slide and they went sledding. Like all afternoon.

We always enjoy story time, although I think I have all the books memorized so I don't always use the book.

my side jobs

2010-12-11T21:49:00.002-06:00

About 3 years ago, I decided that I would like to be a lactation consultant. I've been an LLL leader now for 2 years and am planning to take the only-offered-once-per-year IBCLC exam next July. MYCAA, a program for military spouses, is paying for it! This is awesome, because I have no intention of seeking employment upon passing the IBCLC exam. I intend to continue to do what I do - counsel breastfeeding mothers for FREE. Because I like to. And I can. If I needed to make money, I'd seek employment as an engineer, since you know, that's what I went to school for.

When I was pregnant with Susanna, I decided (probably one day at yoga) that I'd like to teach childbirth classes. Birth to Baby classes are launching in January! I am starting out very slowly because I want to make sure it will be compatible with my family life. I'm not making money off of this venture either.

In truth, one big reason I'm not starting a business is that I don't have the time or desire to deal with the money aspect of it. With a toddler and a preschooler, I'd rather spend my precious time learning, helping, and teaching. I also don't need the money. We have enough.

The more philosophical reason that I am not into making money off of childbirth and breastfeeding is that I fundamentally disagree with the professionalization of everything. I'm into building relationships and community support. Money sort of complicates relationships.

I also don't pay anyone to babysit my kids. When I leave my kids, I leave them with a person with whom we have a relationship, and not a financial relationship!

I gave quite a bit of my time for 4 years to teaching (teenagers in inner city Atlanta). For FREE. Because I wanted to. That was more meaningful than any job I ever had. I'd still do it if we had not moved.

And you know what else? My college education was paid for. Not by me. Not by my parents. By people who donated their money. Because they wanted to. Since I don't have student loans, I am free to do what I love for free. Kharma.

And aren't they super cute?!

Family Mission Statement

2010-12-11T20:00:00.000-06:00

I mentioned a while back that Ryan and I were working on a Family Mission Statement. We worked on it one night. I think we got most of the important things down. It was really helpful to discuss our values. Ryan took notes. He is a great note taker. I'm not. I don't take notes. I didn't make it into a statement, per se, but I want to put the list of Values We Think are Important to Our Family here. So here it is, for my own record as much as anything else!

Our mission as a family is to be content, loving, and respectful, always loving each other unconditionally.

Values We Think are Important to Our Family

We want our children to learn, via our modeling...

homemaking skills and financial responsibility

love of helping others

conscious eating

conscious consuming

appreciation for the luxury of material things we have

We want our children to have maximum age appropriate freedom over their own lives, to the extent that it does not negatively impact anyone or anything.

With money, we want to be/stay...
debt free
not slaves to stuff
own a house in the future, with a 50% down payment

Keep violence - movies, video games - out of our house at all times, with the exception of Ryan's computer games

Love over pride: save the relationship when fighting, not anyone's pride

Food
always conscious choices
whole
local
organic

Family
take opportunities to travel
be together
make family friends

Community
find something we can do together to help others

Education
education is life long
encourage initiative/independence/self direction in children

chicken coconut curry soup

2010-12-11T19:37:00.000-06:00

I finally found a great way to use leftover chicken! I served this soup over brown rice.

Chicken Coconut Curry Soup
adapted from Southern Living Cookbook

1 large onion, diced
1 large carrot, diced
3-ish T coconut oil - I use Nutiva extra virgin
1 T curry powder
4-ish cups chicken stock - I make mine and do not add salt
2 Rapunzel veggie/herb boullion cubes WITHOUT salt, or if using the salted kind, omit extra salt (this ingredient could be omitted but it does add extra flavor)
1/2 t salt
1.5-ish c diced cooked chicken
1/4 t pepper
1/4 t dried thyme

1/2 c full fat coconut milk - I use Native Forest - it is BPA free
1/4 c unsweetened flaked coconut, for garnish

I diced the onion, carrot, and chicken in the food processor (not together). Sautee onion and carrot in coconut oil. When soft, add everything except the coconut milk and flaked coconut. Cook for 15-ish minutes. Stir in coconut milk. Serve over rice and garnish with flaked coconut.

Gingerbread Cookies

2010-12-05T13:02:00.000-06:00

Have these in the oven right now. This is my mom's recipe that I've been making since I was a teenager. We've been reading The Gingerbread Man, so I think we'll use cream cheese to make faces on the cookies!

Gingerbread Cookies
3/4 cup coconut oil
1 egg
1 c sucanat (or other sugar)
1/2 cup black strap molasses
2 c whole wheat flour
2 ts cinnamon
2 1/2 ts ginger
2 ts baking soda
1/4 ts salt

Mix it all together and make into 12 balls. The balls will be large - the cookies should be chewy. Put the balls on a cookie sheet and stick in the oven at 350 for about 10 minutes, maybe 15 - I forgot to time it.

Oh, the many uses of mama milk

2010-11-27T21:44:00.002-06:00

This is not a post about all the practical uses of breastmilk. That would take me all day! We all know it makes boo boos better, in several ways. Husband has a cold - put some milk in his Neti Pot. Toddler cuts himself - squirt some milk on it. Etc, etc, etc.

Tonight, Susanna was in the sling while I was cooking dinner, as usual. I sort of toss her on the back of my hip so as to keep little grabby hands out of things unsuitable for little grabby hands.

Unfortunately, I was stirring veggies in a hot pan when my stirring utensil broke in half. This made me go forward a bit and little grabby hands grabbed the pan. Ouch. Hysterical screaming followed. She tried to nurse, but she couldn't nurse and cry at the same time. I forced ice on her hand, against her will.

A few more minutes of hysterical screaming and I remembered I had frozen milk in the freezer. I had Ryan bring me a cube of it and I handed it to her. Hysterical screaming instantaneously stopped.

She happily played with and ate that piece of frozen milk and then some, while the rest of the family happily enjoyed our hamburgers and roasted veggies.

Gabe wanted some "ice cream," too, but when I gave him some, he said, "It's yucky," and gave it to Susanna.

Christmas presents done!

2010-11-27T20:29:00.000-06:00

My kids get their very own book about themselves each year. The big family album is also done but I'm not sharing that until after Christmas because at least one grandparent reads my blog and the grandparents get copies of our annual album.

Click here to view this photo book larger

Little Family Thanksgiving, with turkey!

2010-11-25T22:34:00.000-06:00

We spent Thanksgiving with just us, plus my mom and a friend from college who happened to be in town for work. I planned to photograph our food throughout the day, but forgot after lunch.

This was our first turkey inclusive Thanksgiving in 3 years. Being vegan, or even mostly vegan, makes me fat and makes my teeth decay. My kids choose mostly animal foods when they are given that choice. I suspect that is why Susanna eats so much. I did not give Gabe the choice of animal foods, other than fish occasionally, until I got pregnant with Susanna when he was 18 months, and he ate far less food as a toddler than she does. They both nurse a lot, but rely on me for nutrition much less since they eat animal foods. They do not have cavities, despite nursing at night and not always brushing their teeth daily. My teeth have greatly improved since adding meat back into my diet, and it looks like I will not need that root canal.

I'm thankful to have discovered this before anything more serious happened to my health. I'm thankful for Full Quiver Farm, where we got our turkey. I'd have to literally be starving to eat factory farmed meat. Eating it every once in a while at a relative's house or a restaurant is probably not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I refuse to eat it more to make a statement to the people I am with.

Gabe helped prepare the turkey. We talked about the day we went to the farm and saw all the turkeys and how this is one of them. We talked about killing it. He asked, "Did the turkey want to be killed?" I replied that I don't know. I don't really know what, or if, turkeys want. I don't think his little 3 year old brain can empathize with a turkey anyway.

For lunch, I made rolls - half whole wheat, half white - and spinach parmesan spread. We had some leftover pumpkin bread, too! Our homemade center piece included a butternut squash that did not fit in the Crock Pot with the others, a beeswax candle, and some holly from our yard.

The only other thing I made for dinner was butternut squash with butter and maple syrup. Ryan grilled the turkey. My mom made green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and chocolate cheese cake. It was all delicious.

We are putting things in our empty room, shown above. Ryan made the shelf. Gabe and I finished it with beeswax and mineral oil. That worked well. I hung up my slings on the wall. They are pretty and now I will always know where they are!

I bought this beautiful hand made rug on Etsy. I contemplated making one, but I know that is way too big of a project for me right now.

I wanted more indoor play and living space for the winter. Call it a Christmas present if you want.

tree in our yard

The ethics of eating animals are complicated. It is one of those issues that people can really believe in one way or the other. I think what matters most is that we think about it, and that we respect our fellow humans. I'm thinking People for the Ethical Treatment of People, and I'm thinking Animals might just follow. I think my little community of friends is like that, and I'd like everyone else to be, too! I think it matters to be grateful for the nourishment the animals give us. I think it is beneficial to slaughter our own animals, if we choose to eat them. Ryan has done that, I have not. Someday...

For me, it boils down to what is natural. It is natural for humans to be omnivores and my family needs meat for our health. And we like it.

In everything, we try to live consciously, parent peacefully, and learn continuously.

pumpkin chocolate chip bread

2010-11-23T20:37:00.002-06:00

Adapted from here.

This makes 2 9x5 loaf pans.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bread
2 c whole wheat pastry flour
2 c all purpose unbleached white flour
1 t baking soda
1/2 t baking powder
2 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
2 c maple syrup
2 t vanilla
6 eggs, brought to room temp so that the coldness does not make the coconut oil solidify - I put them in a bowl of hot water for a few min.
1 large-ish pie pumpkin, cooked, or 6 cups pumpkin puree - I cooked the pumpkin whole in the Crock Pot
1.5 c coconut oil - I heated mine on the stove top because it had solidified with the cooler weather - I use Nutiva extra virgin and get it from Amazon
1 15 oz package of chocolate chips - I use Ghiradelli

Combine wet ingredients. Combine dry ingredients. Mix it all together. Put in 2 greased 9x5 loaf pans and bake at 325 for 1 hour and 35 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes and put on cooling rack.

Put on some clothes!

2010-11-19T22:14:00.000-06:00

And turn down that thermostat! Mine is at 60 F but I may turn it down to 55. Heat has not come on yet. We're not cold inside. I hate the outdoor and indoor temperatures being drastically different. That is what makes me feel cold! I like to have enough clothes on that we can just throw on coats and hats to go outside and be warm.

This is the first year we have kept the thermostat down because I didn't know how to dress properly before. And this was in Florida! We have a fairly mild winter in Virginia Beach, but it's certainly cooler than Florida.

So how do we keep warm?

Pajamas
I wear yoga pants, socks, tank top, cashmere sweater, and a heavy wool sweater. I skip the second sweater if it's above 65. Thrift stores are awesome places to get wool sweaters if you are flexible with size and style! I nurse Susanna at night, so the tank is there to keep my belly warm.

Kids wear cotton long sleeve pajamas with merino wool zip up suits on top.

Everyday clothes

I wear jeans, a long sleeve nursing shirt, house shoes, and my wool "house coat" in the house when it's below 65-ish. I love my house coat! I especially love to call it that because people always laugh at me like, who is this crazy woman who must think she is from the 1950s?! I don't think it's a true "house coat" in the original sense of the word, but that is literally what it is. And it was $6 from the thrift store. I am replacing the buttons because they are ugly, and even I draw the line with ugly buttons. Pictures later. To go outside, I just throw on a coat. I have some cozy boots, too.

Inside, Susanna wears a diaper, leg warmers (BabyLegs), socks/shoes (PediPeds for my wobbly walker), two long sleeve shirts with a bib in between (she drools!), pants, and sometimes a hat. To go outside, I put her in a fleece suit, a coat, or a vest, and a wool hat. I love this style of hat, pictured below, because it stays on!

Inside, Gabe wears jeans, two long sleeve shirts, and socks. Outside, he wears a coat or fleece and/or a hat.

Keeping the thermostat down is easy, cheap, and fun! How do you keep warm in the cooler months?

Adventures in DC

2010-11-15T23:32:00.000-06:00

We went to DC for the weekend. It was my first time there. The purpose of the trip was a Le Leche League conference, which was Saturday. It was fabulous, as usual. I love learning. I especially love learning when I get to listen to Diana West talk!

We decided to stay two nights and sight see on Sunday. We stayed at the Navy Lodge. I discovered that the Navy Lodge is always the best place to stay - super cheap and they have kitchenettes! We like to bring most of our food. It was nice to have a stove and not have to use the Crock Pot twice a day.

The 3 hour drive was easy. We left at bed time and the kids slept.

The kids were great at the conference. I had one of them with me almost all day, but they were quiet enough (or sleeping on me) that I was able to listen to everything. Ryan attended a dads' session. He always likes those. He also really enjoyed the kids' room with Legos in it.

We visited the Air and Space Museum and the Natural History Museum. Air and Space was not that exciting to me, but Ryan would have liked to stay there all day. The engines are pretty cool, but I find it annoying to try to focus on anything while visually chasing my children in crowded areas. Natural History was more interesting to me. I could have stayed there all day. Susanna was delighted with life, especially the stairs, while we were there. One to two hours is a good amount of time to spend in museums with my little ones. Any longer and we all begin to melt.

The weather was gorgeous. This was good because we got lost every time we walked somewhere.

We also got lost every time we drove somewhere. We learned that it is a good idea to update GPS maps prior to taking a trip to a large, unfamiliar city. Roads sometimes change.

It is also good to assume that taking the metro is not self explanatory and it is possible to get lost on the way to the metro station, and on the way back to the car. However, Gabe did say that his favorite part of the trip was "the train."

Another lesson is that little ones who are used to going home by lunch time each day might not be thrilled to be walking about DC all day. Between the two of them, there was an hour of crying before they fell asleep in the stroller for late naps.

However, they woke up happy and we were able to enjoy a nice dinner at a restaurant. We may bring most of our food, but we easily spend on one meal what could be spent on 6 fast food meals.

It is also important to remember the small travel toilet seat for little bottoms. At the restaurant, Gabe asked if we could go home now so he could poop.

Earlier in the day, Susanna and I took a nap on the capital lawn while Ryan and Gabe frolicked about.

By the way, I had no intention of having a nursing-my-3-year-old picture on the capital lawn. It just so happened that he wanted to nurse there and I thought it would make a pretty cool picture.

But now that I sit here thinking about it, that picture means a lot to me. Look how far we have come, as women, as mothers, as families. I'm not only allowed to be there, my right to breastfeed there is protected. What would our fore mothers have to say about that?